|Title| The title is simplistic but I feel it does make reference to the story.
|Cover and Description| Not very Anne with an e or very Harry Potter but quite magical. Not all covers have to reveal what the story is inside, but people do judge a book by it's cover. If the cover doesn't give you a hint as to what's inside, it's important the description does and yet at the same time doesn't reveal too much. Yours lacks a bit of information in one of the two ❤
Although I have to admit that I found the mystery intriguing when I first saw your story!
|Plot| Based on the two chapters I think this plot is going to be really good. It's a really original storyline which I'm happy about because a lot of AnnE fanfics can be very samey. Plus you are combining my two favourite fandoms!
|Characters| I feel like you've improved since we reviewed your last story. Your characters are clearly themselves so far and I like it. They each have their own personality and you manage to convey that.
|Writing Style| I love how you done waste words and yet I don't feel like you're lacking too much information. I feel like a tiny bit more description would be good. I just have to say that I admire how you pace your dialogue. Teach me sometime?
|Questions|
Yes, you have improved a lot and it brings me satisfaction to think that maybe our review contributed a tiny tiny tiny tiny bit to it 😊
As I said above, you really are capturing the characters' personalities!
I think I've said it all :)
|Overall| I'll be keeping up to date with the story and congratulations on your improvement!
|title| i think the title does encompass what your story is about, though admittedly it is a bit basic and simplistic.
|cover and description| when you make a cover in an app, it's important you remove the watermark. it's disruptive to the cover as a whole. the image is interesting if a bit intense (you don't want too much clogging up the image, less is more). i don't know if the font really fits the image or the plot, and the white is a little shocking and doesn't quite fit with the dusky pink. adding a description is vital to any story. it is a main component that draws in the viewer and without a description your story feels unfinished and unpolished. i'd add the fandoms this story includes because the pegasus series is quite obscure.
|plot| i can see you're building up the time travel, though i'd recommend some subtle foreshadowing. obvious since it's only a couple chapters i can't really judge the plot, but it feels intriguing.
|characters| the characters of anne and hermione feels somewhat ooc (out of character), though since it's the first few chapters it isn't extremely distracting. i have not read the series emily jacobs is in, so i don't really know what she's like, but she feels very 'mary sue' and somewhat one-dimensional. i'd recommend expanding on the friendship of hermione and emily and explaining how they came to be friends.
|writing style| it's somewhat disjointed and odd, as the story (currently) mainly consists of dialogue with little thought or unspoken story. even though it's in third person, you can show thoughts/inner workings. i'd also make sure that anne speaks in the dialect of old canadian english of the nineteenth century. the pacing of the story etc is a little odd in my opinion, but that may be from lack of descriptions and inner thought.
|questions| i have to say i do prefer your first story to this one though i'm sure once you churn out a few more chapters in magic? it'll get better.
|overall| i'd recommend re-reading any books (or re-watching any shows/films) the characters feature in and see how they're portrayed, which would keep them in character. pretty much just needs to be polished up and show don't tell! i also want to clarify i'm not trying to be mean or anything, i think you're doing well!
