Teaching Her to Love (Karamatsu x Insecure!Reader)

Finding Something Deeper

Oi. This contains some self harm in it. Nothing too graphic though. Just thought a warning would be nice! Also, there is a panic attack in here, so I'm sorry.

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"I'm worthless."

"As though he'd ever want to hang out with someone as filthy as me..."

"He doesn't care. It's just pity..."

"Nobody would ever love me... I'm really not worth it."

You laid awake in bed the night right after your outing with Karamatsu. The two of you had planned for him to arrive at your place in the morning (which was in about 3 hours) to pick you up for another day out, but you were lacking sleep. The thought of finally falling into a deep slumber made you feel desperate for it, yet you couldn't quite get there due to your self deprecating thoughts. You just wanted sleep.

Frustrated with yourself and your lack of sleep, tears started forming in your eyes, soon streaming down your cheeks. Light sobs began escaping your mouth within a few seconds and thus, you began having a panic attack in your bed. You began to shake violently, hands covering your ears as you continuously cried. At this point, you just wished you weren't alive. Your panic attacks made you feel like you were dying anyways.

"Goddamnit.... I-I'm so repulsive....!" You told yourself as you gasped for breath.

Then you began repeating his name over and over again.

"K-Karamatsu.... Karamatsu... K-KARAMATSU!" You found yourself practically screaming despite the other people in the building (there weren't a lot of people there so it was okay).

Panic attacks were horrible for you because nobody would ever help you out and you were left alone. You didn't want Karamatsu knowing about this though, so you pretty much rejected the idea of calling his phone for help. You didn't want to lose another person. Yet at the same time, you needed him with you. Or someone at least. But, who else was there for you like he was? You hadn't even known him for that long, but you trusted him with your life.

With an overly shaking hand, you grasped your phone from your nightstand and went through your contacts to Karamatsu's. You were hesitant at first, knowing he was probably asleep, but you called anyways. You bit your nails as you waited, still crying and panting for air.

Karamatsu woke up to the sound of his cell phone ringing and sighed as he checked the time. Careful not to disturb his brothers, he let himself out into another room and accepted the call, not even fully awake. What he heard on the other line made his heart drop. He heard you weeping which made him panic.

"W-whatever is the matter, my honey?" He questioned in sort of a whisper yell, scared for your well being, "Did you have a nightmare?"

Instead you just kept having a panic attack, a few incoherent "help"s being made out.

"D-do you need me to come over, my love? Oh screw it. I-I'm on my way! Just breathe, darling! I'll be there soon...." With that, he hung up the phone and grabbed his coat off the back of the couch.

He didn't even have to question himself as to why he was sprinting down the sidewalks at 4:00 AM. He needed you to be okay and you needed him to help you calm down. The two of you needed each other. In that moment of dashing to your apartment complex, Karamatsu realized how much he did in fact care about you. A rather odd feeling filled his heart in that moment, too. What was it? Love? Wanting? He couldn't tell you even if he tried.

He responded in a short amount of time, sweating like crazy upon arrival. Karamatsu practically burst through the entrance of the complex before bolting upstairs to your apartment. You had left your door unlocked by mistake, which Karamatsu used to his advantage. He opened the door, closing and locking it behind him before calling out to you.

"My princess? I'm here! W-where are you?" He stuttered, trying to make his way through the dark home.

A couple of semi-audible sobs was all he needed to find his way to your location. He flicked on a small lamp to allow some light into the room, watching as you held a pillow to your chest, trying to steady your breathing. You were biting your lip to avoid making loud crying sounds, but it wasn't enough to mask your pain. The waterfalls on your cheeks gave it away.

"P-pumpkin!" Without second thought, he crawled into your bed and turned you around to face him, pulling you into his chest. He wrapped your legs around his waist and took the pillow from you, allowing for you to hold onto the back of his coat.

You were a crying and shaking mess and to say Karamatsu was upset would be an understatement. The poor girl sobbing in his arms was all too much for him. He noticed you were still trying to hold back making sounds as you cried your heart out. In response, he gently ran his fingers through your hair.

"Let it all out, (y/n)...." He encouraged, tears pricking at his eyes as well.

And that's just what you did. The two of you sat there for a good while as you poured your feelings and heart out to the man you felt you had known for years. His grasp on you grew gentler whenever he felt your sobs get more ragged - a sign that you were finally catching some breath and calming down a bit. Karamatsu used his hands to move your head to look at him, tears still running down your face.

"(Y/n).... What's wrong....?" He asked, not sure if he was ready to hear the answer himself.

You hiccuped slightly in embarrassment, knuckles turning white as you gripped harshly at your shirt.

"I-I'm tired of waking up everyday having to worry about being viewed as u-ugly when I go down the street...." You said with tears in your eyes.

He felt a pang of pity in his heart, wanting to save you from whatever pain you were feeling.

"You shouldn't have to feel that way. You're beautiful!" He genuinely said, holding your hand in his.

"I'm not-"

"You are."

His look was rather stern yet gentle, trying to prove that he meant his words. He meant them very much and wished you would see that. You saw no point in arguing with him, not wanting to lose a potential friend.

"Now.... I think it's best that you get some sleep as you look very tired from all that crying...." He wiped a tear from your eye and moved you underneath your bed comforter.

"W-wait. Please don't g-go...." You begged, voice hoarse, "I-I already made you come all the way here. Y-you can sleep in my bed with m-me...."

His face turned a bright crimson before he nodded with his eyebrows furrowed, "As you wish, my rose...."

With that, he crawled in next to you, pretty much spooning you and petting your hair as he sang you a lullaby. Within a few minutes, you were fast asleep, making Karamatsu smile. You looked so peaceful.

Noticing the lamp was still on, he lightly moved the covers up and moved out of your bed to turn it off. But before he eliminated the light in the room, he noticed something was off. Your shirt was slightly raised, exposing some marks on your skin that Karamatsu identified as scars. Some newer looking and some old. Some were ever faded. Seeing this, he felt as though he was going to have a mental breakdown as you did, but he decided to be strong for you.

He turned off the lamp and crawled back into bed next to you, holding you close to him.

"I love you, (y/n)..." He whispered to your sleeping form before joining you in dreamland.