Sucking is the New Norm (Random Rants)

A Criticism of a Garbage Story

Context
Last night, I was talking to some of my friends on Discord while relapsing  back into my Payday 2 addiction when I thought it would be funny if I showed them my Wattpad. Henceforth, I linked them this account in the hopes that they will find it enjoyable. The first story they came across was the one I despise most to this day: My Dream Guy.

The Realization

A little more context: I wrote this story when I was 13. I am currently 17. I had recently overcome my fears of ever so glancing back at this story. One morning around two days ago, I was lying in my bed when it suddenly occurred to me that I had no reason to be ashamed of who I was in the past. I have moved on and am no longer perceived with complete revulsion of the Internet. Hence, I do not delete those stories because they are relics to me. However, I have a right to criticize them, which is what my intention is in this so-called "rant book".

Critiques

One of the primary concerns I had while reading My Dream Guy was the music choice I had to ever so periodically and blatantly point out. My thought process was on the lines of "I am so hardcore, I listen to stuff that's not on the radio."

While I was immature, I can criticize it as a person who frequently listens to semi-underground extreme metal. I recognize today that by elitist standards, I would be called a poser for listening to bands that are considered "emo". (Even though I listen to Deafheaven, I am still called a poser). At the time, I would label these bands as "screamo", but that is, in fact, not the case after listening to two albums from the post-hardcore band "Orchid".

I can safely say that from a music standpoint, the book does not describe what a real "edgelord" would listen to. Even the way I had placed the music into the writing was so off-putting and it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I do not elaborate on why I put it, which basically just makes it a waste of words.

My second criticism was my improper writing. I, myself, did not have issues with my usage of improper tenses nor spelling. However, there were two main problems that I look back and have genuine issues with: descriptions and input of dialogue. To put it short, I relied too much on short and quick sentences. To give a description of a setting or character, I should have been more elaborate. For example, I would use simple sentences that gave a very broad description. Instead of:

"My boots touched the hard ice."

I should have used:

"The hard ice slid uncomfortably beneath me."

Simple imagery honestly enrages me. After around 8 months of Advanced Placement English Language and Composition (seriously not trying to boast, I have a B as of currently), I have learned to identify rhetorical devices and the effect it can have on a tone. In addition to that, I put heavy emphasis on a character's appearance. That was partially my intention, as certain characteristics can help give a story a theme. However, I described it in such heavy detail that it gave no room for the reader to imagine the characters themselves. My second problem was dialogue. I would frequently write "umm" or "uhh" when using dialogue. Again, it leaves no room for creativity from the reader and simply looks awkward. As well as that, use the three periods also gives a very immature tone to the writing. It makes it seem as if I'm texting rather than talking; and I will not lie, this story was a self-insert.

The third criticism I encountered was my lack of knowledge on the male mind. My first intention when writing this story was to satirize the Minecraft YouTuber fanfictions, but it obviously did not turn out that way. Hence, I tried to make it seem as if the males were ultra-sensitive and had similar problems to women. Now, I know all guys are not the same, but a common male of the ages 15 to 16 would not be the dashing hero. For example, I added in that extremely unnecessary two-paragraph piece of garbage where Zach saves Eve from being taken into a white van. In real life, that would not happen. What would instead occur is a call to the police. Or even maybe video evidence if it would take too long to call the police. Simply put, no guy would go out of their way to beat up some shady men for a girl he just met. Secondarily, as my friend pointed out to me last night: "who would start crying after seeing a girl"? Precisely, no one, unless he or she had some mental disorder. The real response would be on the lines of "eh, she pretty nice-looking, but let's see if she got any good parts on her." Now, to make things clear, I am not trying to make a statement that men all are pigs, as I enjoy looking at the upper chest area and/or the rear end as much as the next guy of my age would. I am simply trying to say that a heterosexual male of my age would definitely not get melodramatic over a girls' hair or makeup. In fact, that would be hysterical. 

The fourth criticism I shall make is my lack of knowledge on the emo culture at the time. I always found it to be interesting to have a certain unique-colored hair. However, it never occurred to me until recently that people put on that look to intentionally appear "edgy".  To this day, I still find that look to appear appeasing to the eye. In fact, last summer, I even dyed the ends of my hair teal. However, it never occurred to me that it was intentionally done to stand out. 

Another prominent factor I noticed was that emo culture primarily applies to young teenagers. With a backstory that I created for Zach, he would be beyond "emo." Zach would most likely be an avid drug user and/or a troublemaker. After being around several different kinds of people, I have noticed the ones with tough past tend to drift towards drugs. That is, not to say, that everyone that uses drugs has a rough family situation or a poor past in general. Emo kids tend to be the ones who get upset over petty problems and may or may not have some sort of mood disorder that causes them to do irrational actions, such as self-harm. I, personally, have met people with rough pasts; those tend to lack any sort of social or self conscience in general, hence for drug abuse. 

My fifth and last major criticism with this book is partially due to my laziness and short attention span. I tended to rush the plot into its final endeavors. Simply enough, the story was so rushed, I lacked time to flesh out characters. I could have drawn scenes out longer to provide a more emotional appeal. It seemed as if half-or even most-of the time, readers had no clue what was happening. I felt as if I did not provide enough compelling details to even inductively  find out what was happening, which, in truth, makes it enough of a bad story and flaw I still struggle with today. 

Another problem that I have with the actual plotline itself is Zach being a half-demon. To be honest, even after an hour of publishing the last chapter, I realized how disgusting it would be to add such a trait to a character. It adds on an unnecessary layer of fantasy that is truly not needed. The story could have been better if it was a simple high school drama. 

There are monumental amounts of criticism I could continue to give, but honestly, I feel as if I do not need to address it. 

What happens now?

I am considering a rewrite, however, I am torn between sticking to the original idea of being a satire or rather a more realistic version of the story itself. I have already figured out that it is going to take place in the same setting, however, characters may change. I don't know when I want to do this, as I currently am too busy with schoolwork to actually flesh out a good story. However, when all of it is said and done, I will try to concentrate my efforts onto rewriting it.