Lost at Sea ✔

Chapter 18

WARNING ~ This chapter explores grief, character's personal thoughts and feelings about death, and tiny mentions or hints of depression. The character's thoughts/or feelings of depression or death do not reflect Marvel's and the actors/actress' who play these character's views on the matter. While writing the parts of this chapter where these discussions are in, I tried very hard not to reflect my own beliefs about death. Nothing in here is religious and does not single out a theory or belief to be true. Please keep an open mind while reading this chapter and do not criticize mine or other's betrayal of death or mental illness. Thank you.

Lost at Sea

Chapter 18

These Feelings I'm Feeling

Numb. She was numb to everything that was happening in the world around her; that was good. She didn't want to feel the pain. She didn't want to feel the sadness and guilt that surely rocked her frail body and shattered soul.

She was numb. She couldn't feel her body spasming as she cried. She couldn't feel the warmth that surrounded her whenever she broke down. She couldn't feel the coldness of the water hit her face as Natasha ushered her into the shower every other day. She couldn't feel the food going down her throat as she ate. She felt nothing.

She was completely numb and broken. So very broken.

The only other thing in this numb world were her thoughts and memories.

Alene came to realize in the first couple of days after Sokovia that memory is an odd yet extraordinary thing. Memories allow you to remember someone's life and the treasured times you spent with them. But alas, memory is also a reminder of pain and horror.

Flashbacks hit her like a freight train. Her mind replayed every excruciating second of her brother's final moments like a movie. Over and over again it played. Every heartwrenching detail captured in perfect HD quality. She couldn't find the remote to turn it off. No matter how much she tried to look away, she was forced to continue watching. Every time she heard the sound of bullets hitting skin; she broke a tiny bit more.

Being forced to relive those moments over and over again has made Alene understand why Steve took her away from Pietro's body. If she stayed, she would have felt even more pain and guilt. In moments of such pain, even the kindest of people can do the worst of things. Steve took her away to prevent her from doing just that.

It's odd. You don't realize just how much someone means to you until they are gone. Even though she and Wanda spent more time together, she felt closest to Pietro. Sure they were constantly bickering, but they cared so much for each other. He made her smile when she was having bad days and always looked out for her. He only thought of what was in her best interest instead of his own. Above all else; he named her. When she had none, he gave her an identity and a chance at a new life.

Alene never cared about finding her biological family. She had Wanda and Pietro; they were all she needed. They were their own family. However, now she has lost one, she has been left with a hole that couldn't be filled.

Like a curse, her mind took her back to times she hadn't thought of in years. Happier times filled with promises that weren't kept.

"Hey, Alene?"

"Yeah, Pietro?"

"When we get out of here, I promise to help you find your real family. I'll turn mountains around and entire continents upside down to find them." He smiled at her. "I'll make sure you're reunited with them." He patted her head affectionately.