My Life As An Escort ~ Book 2 New Beginnings (Completed)✅

Chapter 48 ~ Renew

Cadence POV

It had been a few days since Evan and I said our goodbyes and I had this feeling of loss. My heart still pained me but deep down I knew we had hurt each other and we both needed time apart. I admit I was mad as hell when he gave me those divorce papers but now I was actually free to move on.

Maybe Evan was my test to see if I could truly love someone. The emotional baggage I had been trying to discard because of my parents had me wanting someone to love me. I saw the pain in my mother's eyes as she felt unwanted and unloved.

Did I need a man to justify who I was? Why was I so quick to fall in love at the first man that showed me a little more attention? Robert, Paul, Evan and Jacob all had something that made me rush in head first not thinking of the consequences. So many unnecessary tears I've wasted only because I thought a man could complete me.

I think back as I wanted a man's love so badly. Robert, Paul and Jacob, I felt bad now because I gave them an ultimatum. Either you love me or I will just move on to the next. It just wasn't the physical aspect of wanting love but an emotional craving.

Women want to be told by a man, that she is loved without forcing the words out because she wants to believe that true love exist, right? I've made so many mistakes and thinking about them now I was the center of the problem. Instead of letting things take its course I wanted to take the easy route and disregard others and their feelings.

Paul wasn't ready for a commitment. I thought he was selfish. He was fun but I wasn't who he could bring home as his wife. I wasn't wife material for him. The person that would capture his heart would be someone that could challenge him and open up his eyes. It would have never worked out between us.

To Robert, God rest his soul, I was just a piece of young ass. I guess since he was the first and swept me off my feet, I was still that naive little girl. I had chosen him as he said the right things. I was just to blinded to see that it was just me doing my job.

Then Evan. The one that showed me that love was obtainable. The one thing I regret is that we rushed into our relationship. I didn't know Evan well enough before I took the plunge. I should have completely stopped the escort business, gotten a regular job and finished school. I should have gotten to know the real Evan, his background his likes and dislikes. My priorities had gotten mixed up. The travel, money, and sex became important to me.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Evan and I still do. Sometimes I did wonder if it was the escort he fell in love with or the real me. At times I could tell he wanted to be controlling. He wanted to give me a little slack only to pull me back.

I had overheard him one day that we would live in Atlanta after I graduated. It was why he was remodeling the huge house in Atlanta. He was hoping I would forget about my career and focus on the family. He was buttering me up and when he told me his plans I would fall in line. The only people I knew in Atlanta was his family. Would that have been fair to me?

He felt as if he could more than provide for us but I could never be happy knowing what ifs. I had worked so hard at obtaining my career. I wanted to be the woman my children were proud of.

Yes he was rich and knew he could support me, but that wasn't my makeup. It was in my blood not to let a man oversee my worth. I wasn't a golddigger but a woman who worked hard for what she had. I wanted my sisters to see education was the key to elevating yourself to the next level not a man.

Lastly there was Jacob. The man I feared. The man that made himself complicated. The man that deep down inside was just like me. He wants to be love, but with Lacey, I think she broke his heart and it never mended. I was a bandaid. He said all the right things but somehow I was guarded.