He Doesn't Know; I Know

Part Forty Two: Wherever you are

[A/N: The title says it all. Obvs!]

Calum's P.O.V.

Water.

Ocean.

The waves.

"Calum," a familiar voice said, calling out my name. "Calum."

Michelle? I thought.

And there she was, standing. Her hair was the same black brown, wavy and long. Her eyes were full of loving - love that I know was all mine.

She was wearing a long white dress.

Michelle!

I tried to speak but no voice came out, as if I was muted.

"Calum," she repeated. "Find me."

But where? I wanted to ask, but still, no voice seems to come out.

"Find me, Calum," she repeated. "Find me."

Michelle!

"Calum---"

"Calum?" A familiar voice said. "Calum, wake up!"

"Hey, I'm okay," I said in a low voice, sitting up. I rubbed my eyes, adjusting it from the light. Luke was now sitting on the couch beside my bed. He must have heard me again.

Since I've learned of what happened to Michelle, I've been having the same dream over and over again. Its always the same. In the ocean, it must have been where the plane crashed. And her, wearing that white dress she once wore in a family gathering I invited her back when we were just best friends; where I found myself falling in love with her.

But, now, its the dress she's wearing to call for me.

Its the same dream. She's asking me to find her.

But, how? Where?

I mean, does it make sense? I think she's calling out for me. To find her.

Alive or not.

Hopefully alive though.

Everybody thinks I'm going crazy. Its been a month now since the plane crashed. Even Cheryl sent off a search party for her the moment she heard of it and told me how sorry she was. Mrs. Fritz was just as devastated as I was as she loses another child. And I know Mr. Fritz as well, but he's trying to be strong for her.

And I am, too. For everyone.

For the band.

For our friends.

For her.

For myself.

But.

Its so hard. And to top it all, we were in a fight before she left. Okay, we apologized to each other before she board the plane, but still, the last few hours... damn! If only I know it would be our last hours, I would have held tight on her.

Now, I'm not even sure if I'll ever see her again. They stopped looking for her. Except me and her mom. The band is no longer a great distraction for me. The boys would constantly ask me to join them whenever they go out, but I would just shut them all, and stay in my room. At times, I would just be all depress and do nothing. Sometimes, I would do everything I can to keep the search on.

I...

I just can't bare to live without her...

"I thought," I started, staring into nothingness. "The timezones would be the only thing that can separate us. Why? Why does it have to be her? She can't be dead. She's just... just missing."

I heard him sighed. "Calum, I know its hard. We're hurting, too. She's our friend. But, you have to learn to let her go. One step at a time."

"She's not gone," I insisted. "She wants me to find her."

"Its a dream, Calum," he said. "You can't just live forever with that dream. She's been gone for a month. If she's alive, I'm sure just a couple of days or what, she would call any of us to let us know where she is. But she didn't, pal. We have to accept it."

"What if something bad happens?" I can feel my eyes getting teary every second. "What if she's out there but she's badly injured and she needs help. She needs me. And I'm right here, all of us, thinking she's gone, doing nothing to save her. We need to find her."

"Calum," a soft voice said, as the door opened. My eyes were starting to blur from crying but I can see a head poking. And soon someone came in, sitting beside me. Delilah held my other hand, "are you okay?"

"That dream," Luke said, as I sob silently.

"You have to listen to me," I said. "We have to find her. She's out there. She ne---"

"Sshh, Calum," she cooed, pushing me back to lay down. She pulled the blanket over me, and patted me in the shoulder. "Its okay. Go back to sleep. Tomorrow when you wake up everything's going to be alright."

"I need her," I said, trying to calm myself.

"And she needs you, too," she said. "She needs you to be strong for tomorrow. For everyday."

I calmed myself, slowly, as I think of all the happy memories I had with her - the way she supports me in everything, every game she never miss, all the soccer practice I'll make her do for fun, the truth and dare game where we had our first kiss - everything.

"Maybe," Delilah started in a low voice. I was on my back to them, so they must have thought I was already asleep. "Maybe, we should go look for Michelle again. What if he's right?"

"Dey," Luke said, "I know its been just a month. But even the rescuers stopped looking. If she's alive, she would have called us. Or whoever found her would report it to the authorities. Its not that hard. But nothing. No calls. No reports."

"I hope she's okay," she sighed. "I hope this all just a dream."

I heard her sobbing. I can feel Luke sitting at the bed, too, probably comforting her.

"We can just hope and pray, Dey," he said. "And until then, wherever she is.."

I wanted to cry again, and get depress and everything. But, Delilah is right. I have to be strong. For myself. For her.

I know she's out there. And I won't stop looking for her.

Michelle, I thought, I hope you can hear my thoughts. I miss you so much. I could fly a thousand oceans but there's nothing that compares to what we have. We'll be together again someday. I will find you. Wherever you are...

I will find her. Wherever she may be.