Opposites ~ n.h (rewriting)

Chapter 12: I don't know why.

When Niall has disappeared around the corner, my mind starts working overtime. I need my notebook, and I need it now. I pick up my bag from beside me and make my way to my car. "Luna?" I hear from behind me. "Zayn?" What the hell does he want. I haven't seen him in like a week if not longer. I turn around and there is Zayn looking at me with a desperate look on his face. "What is it, Zayn?" I ask him. I try to keep my voice soft but it comes out as more of a snap. "Listen, I know I didn't contact you ever since I left the hospital but I really need your help right now." I cross my arms. "Tell me." I demand shortly. "My truck is out of gas and the nearest gas station is about 5 kilometers from here. Would you mind taking me there and driving me back here?" I think about it. I was actually in a rush to get home and write down in my notebook, some habit I seemed to have picked up again from when I was younger, but I just can't let Zayn walk 5 kilometers and back, so I nod my head and gesture for him to get in my car after unlocking it. As soon as I reverse out of the parking space, Zayn starts to talk. "I'm really sorry I never called and everything. It's just that I've been so confused lately and I've been struggling with the fight with Niall and my head is just exploding." He explains. "My head is kind of exploding too, I understand. A lot has happened in the past week." I sigh. Niall has just popped into my head, again. I just can't forget that look on his face when he looked at me in the alley. I may have been drunk out of my mind but that is one thing I remember clearly. "Tell me about it." Zayn says. He startles me by suddenly speaking. 

"Ehm, well me and Niall are getting along, We've been hanging out last week for a few times." Zayn's fits clench at his sides but nods for me to continue. "I watched Eliza on Friday night-" "That's what he always does, first he pretends to be his friend but then only uses you to ditch his sister at." Zayn interrupts. "-which was actually quite nice." I continue, ignoring his comment. "Then Saturday night we went out and..." Do I tell him about the kiss? I better not, his face is almost green of jealousy. ".. we had a nice time." I finish, leaving the whole 'kissing in an alley' and 'sleeping at his place' out of it. 

"You know, maybe you should talk to Niall." I turn to Zayn when I have stopped at the gas station. "Why should I?" He asks. "Well, you guys were such good friends, it's a waste to throw it away over some fight. You should let all of you anger towards him dissolve and make it up again, so you can go back to calling him your brother because I liked that." I smile. "I'm not having any anger towards him, I'm over that now." I give him a look. "Zayn, your knuckles turn white every time I say his name." He sighs. "You're right and maybe I should but I really want to wait. I want to be able to speak to him without having the urge to plant the first knife I see in his stomach." He chuckles, but I immediately stop fiddling with my fingers and look at him. Did he really just say that? "Zayn, were you the one that stabbed Niall?" I look at him in all seriousness as he looks at me, eyes wide. "No." Is all he says. I decide to let him get away with it for now, but there's something about the way he quickly changed his gaze from me to something behind me as he answered. 

Zayn got his gas in a jerrycan and soon we were on our way back to campus. "I'm glad you and Niall get along." Zayn says, surprising me once again by speaking so suddenly. There's no emotion in his voice and I can hear he struggles to say the words. "Thank you." I smile, appreciating the effort of saying something like that. He returns the smile as I turn into a parking space near Zayn's car. "Thanks for helping me, Luna. I really didn't think you would do it after I basically avoided you for more than a week." He says after filling up his car with gas. "It's nothing really." He opens his arms and I walk into them, hugging his torso. When I look up at his face, waiting for him to let me go, he leans in. I immediately turn my face and his lips leave a soft kiss on my cheek. "What is it?" He lets go of me surprised. "It's not like we haven't done this before." "I know, it's just-" I start. Why didn't I want to kiss him? Last time he kissed me I felt like I was floating, what happened this time? "I can't, Zayn." Is all I manage to say, all I can say really because I have no idea why. "Why? Did Harry and you become-" "No no no! Oh God no!" I interrupt him. Me and Harry? Nuh-uh. Never going to happen. Zayn almost laughs at my defensive answer on that but turns serious moments after. "Then why can't you?" He tries to look me in the eyes but I look at my shoes instead. "I don't know." I confess. "Okay, well thanks." He says, breaking an awkward silence. "Yeah, no problem." I awkwardly twist a piece of hair around my finger, turn around and leave. Great. *Note sarcasm*

I grab my notebook and start to write. 

If kissing him felt so right, why didn't I let him in? If kissing Zayn felt so wrong, does this mean I'm taking a strong liking towards Niall? Do I fancy him? No, this is different. Fancy was what I had with Zayn. With Niall, it's a whole other story.

Shocked by what I have written, I drop my pen. I have to call Niall, like right now. I reach for my phone and scroll through my contacts. Of course you can't find the right one when you need him. When I've finally found his number I press 'ial' and tap on the table impatiently, waiting for him to answer. "Luna?" Niall's voice sounds through the speakers. "Can I talk to you?" I blurt out. "Uh yeah sure, just got back from picking up Liz, you can come over if you'd like." Niall seems happy that I've called him. I mumble a quick 'okay', hang up, grab my jacket and run out the door. On the pavement I walk into Eleanor again. "Geez we have got to stop doing this!" She laughs. "Why in such a rush, hun?" She asks me, stepping in front of me when I wanted to walk further to my car. "I really have to talk to Niall. Right now." I say. "Okay, good look." El must've noticed in the way I speak that it's about some serious business and quickly lets me go. I jump in my car and make the drive to Niall's.

Here I am, sitting on Niall's couch, Eliza leaning back against my legs while watching some series on Netflix on the IPad. "Luna, I don't know what it is you wanted to tell you, but I need to tell you something too." He says, breaking the - what feels like - hours of silence. "Shoot." I say, curious but anxious at the same time as to what he has to say. "I can't get our kiss out of my head." He confesses, making my eyes grew wide. So, it wasn't only me that had felt something. "I can't get the way you looked at me out of my head." I make my confession, feeling the heat already rising to my cheeks. "Zayn tried to kiss me today, but I couldn't do it." I say quickly, soon realizing that I haven't told him everything. "I couldn't because of you." I add. "It takes a kiss to realize what our kiss meant to you?" He asks. What does he mean with that? "No, I was writing when I realized.." I take a deep sigh. "that I have feelings for you." There, I;ve said it. There's no turning back now. "I don't know what they are, but I'm feeling something Niall. I wish I could tell you what it was and I will once I've found out but I just want you to know that I'm too scared to let you in." I explain. "I know exactly what I feel for you and right now I am just trying to find the courage to tell you." He says softly. "Tell me please. Maybe it will help." I beg him. "I love you." He says bluntly. That's when I knew it. I love him. I love Niall Horan. I just wasn't ready to tell him that. I struggled for an answer but he stopped me. "I know you're not ready to tell me what you feel yet but I will wait. I will wait for you to build your walls down. I want to know what happened but I can wait for that too." He tells me and by the look in his eyes I can tell he really understands. I just nod. 

"Can I ask you one question that is completely off topic?" I ask him. "Go ahead." He sits back and puts his arms on the back of his head. "Why does Eliza have nightmares? Don't avoid it now." I ask him, carefully. He shoots back up. "She just has nightmares." Liar. "Niall, be honest now." I tell him. "The truth is that that is one of the many parts of my past. Something only me and Eliza know about. I'm not ready to tell you, but I will. Someday." He answers truthfully. What has he been through? I decide not to ask further, Niall told me clearly he wasn't ready to tell me about his past. "Come here, please." He says, opening his arms while laying back on the couch. I lay in his arms and he kissed my head. I smile at Eliza, who is still watching Trollz or something on the IPad and is completely clueless to the conversation and confessions that just took place. Niall kisses my head. "Thank you for trying." He whispers in my head. "Oh by the way, your hair smells really good." He adds, making us both laugh and Eliza look up from her program for a split second before focusing back on the small screen. "I really wanted to try." I whisper back. There's no turning back now. I have fallen in love with a drug addict that is, when you look in the bottom of the cocaine bag, an amazing person. I am going to help him get off of it and try to help him get over whatever has happened in his past that is still haunting him because something is obviously hurting him and I don't want him to be in pain, whether it's physical or mental.

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heeya another chapter up for you guyss :) thanks for reading and I hope you like it. 

England just lost against Uruguay and I am gutted :( xx