Opposites ~ n.h (rewriting)

The Letter.

Dear Luna, 

I never got to tell you about my life, about my past and about what made me who I am today. A pathetic 20-year-old stuck in a rehabilitation centre for a cocaine addiction. Yes, this is how I think of myself today. If I told you this face to face you would have protested, telling me I'm much more than that. I am, I am a murderer also. 

I killed my step dad. You know how my mum died, but I never had the nerve to tell you what happened to my step dad. After mum died he started getting drunk more often and he got angrier by the day. He would act it out on me and Liz, often smacking her when I wasn't around. I noticed and I screamed at him every day to get him to stop. Finally he did. Yet he turned on me. One night I was in the kitchen and I heard some growling behind me. I knew it was him, he was obviously drunk and very angry. While he came closer and closer I heard something tick on the floor. It sounded like metal. I turn around and he tried to attack me before I could react. My instict took over and I grabbed a knife from the drawer, plunging it straight into his chest. 

I was released on self defence, yet I never stopped feeling like I killed him without having a good reason for it. This is why I've started using, along with the pain from losing Rose. This is why I am so messed up today.

By the time you'll read this, I will be no longer here. I will be in peace, finally gone free from the guilt. I'm sorry to leave you and little Liz, but there's nothiing else I can do. The guilt keeps adding up day by day and I'm slowly collapsing. There's only so much a man can take, right?

I want you to know that ever since I'm here I have never stopped thinking about you. I can promise you that you will be the last person on my mind as i go. 

I wrote a song about you. The melody is yours to make up but the lyrics are my words to you. 

Your hand fits in mine

Like it's made just for me

But bear this in mind

It was meant to be

And I'm joining up the dots

With the freckles on your cheeks

And it all makes sense to me

I know you've never loved

The crinkles by your eyes when you smile

You've never loved

Your stomach or your thighs

The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine

But I'll love them endlessly

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth

But if I do,

It's you,

Oh it's you,

They add up to

I'm in love with you,

And all these little things

You can't go to bed,

Without a cup of tea,

And maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep

And all those conversations

Are the secrets that I keep

Though it makes no sense to me

I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape

You never want to know how much you weigh

You still have to squeeze into your jeans

But you're perfect to me

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth

But if it's true,

It's you,

It's you,

They add up to

I'm in love with you,

And all these little things

You'll never love yourself

Half as much as I love you

You'll never treat yourself right, darlin'

But I want you to,

If I let you know, I'm here for you,

Maybe you'll love yourself,

Like I love you

Oh,

I've just let these little things slip out of my mouth,

Because it's you,

Oh it's you,

It's you,

They add up to

And I'm in love with you,

And all these little things,

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth,

But if it's true,

It's you,

It's you,

They add up to,

And I'm in love with you,

And all your little things.

I hope this letter will give you closure to my death and I hope you will be able to lead a happy, normal life without you. 

I vow to look after you and your loved ones and I vow to wait for you. Wherever I am. 

I love you like I have never loved anyone before, thank you for giving me the best last months of my life I could ever wish for. 

Yours only, 

Niall.