The day had been sunny, so so sunny that it hurt your eyes to even open them.
It was hot too, like being inside someone's mouth, so torridly hot.From that day it had been already two months since I said I loved you and you said you loved me. Although those words were now like the glue between us; I still found you unsticking yourself from me. When you would repeat the words it felt like a fresh nice coat of white glue was being spread anew. Yet there was still so much distance between our hands and mouths and cheeks. It was so vast that even when we were attached by the hip, I felt so unsure.
I watched you and saw too much. Your eyebrows were always furrowed, worried. It was like you were ready for someone to yell for you to stop, drop and roll.
And then the day did come, the one I think you always feared despite you claiming to have no fears.
A friend of mine came by, through the trees like an angel of truth. I was walking up to her, grinning and laughing already. I didn't even notice; no matter how much I tried to watch what you watched. You were unlinking your arms from mine and fleeing fast. So fast that when I turned I could only find the blur of your red cotton shirt as you ducked into the nearest opening. The words, whatever I had to say to my friend left along with you. I couldn't begin to understand why you had just gone and how you had done so, so fast. I hardly could even make out your face that day. Yet my friend had. She had and it was weeks after, that it all came undone. I wish I would have known. I would have held you closer to me instead of blowing you off and staying in bed to sleep in. I would have taken my time in getting to know more of the way your mind worked. The way you thought and what you felt when you saw me, what you really felt. I would have wanted to mark your body so that it could have already just been over with. To drag my fingernails down your back and suck on the tender skin of your neck and chest. So that when you went to her, she would have a mouthful of questions and an eyeful of tears.I would have wanted to hurt you, to hurt you just as much as you'd done with me. But that was just the anger speaking. Because I know that I couldn't have. My heart, the size of my fist, had only room for you. No one else. Your tall figure and thick lashes and slender fingers were already all that I could squeeze into my heart. Although your fist is bigger than mine; there is no way I can begin to believe you could squeeze more than one person in there.
I just don't see how.
YOU ARE READING
dreamland
Teen Fictionabout a girl trying to move on from the past, only to find that the past can move too. all artwork by namalas.