Say It If It's Worth Saving Me

12. I've Missed Your Hugs

 It was creeping into April now and my birthday happened to fall on a Saturday when the boys were playing a show. It was amazing watching them on stage and even more so to see the crowd grow and grow every week. Ryon and I went to every show every weekend to be there to scream the loudest.

I did my usual amateur photographer gig and tried to take as many pictures as possible. Sometimes they would even let me crouch really low at the edge of the stage to get cool shots of the boys.

Aleisha came to shows as well.

It wasn't something that I really cared about because the more people the better. However, whenever I saw her face in the crowd all I could think about are the countless times I've seen her kiss Luke. That was the part that sucked because my heart begged for it to be me and my brain said it was never happening. I did my best to be nice to her but honestly, we were just forced small talk and even more forceful smiles.

It was also like I didn't exist to Luke anymore.

We never talked, he never messaged me anymore asking if I was okay. He didn't ask how my dad was doing or how my brother was. He didn't look at me in the hallways or run up to me to spook me at school. Hell, he didn't even look my way in science anymore.

Back to this rather repetitive Saturday.

Michael had told me to dress up, which I didn't understand but I did it anyways because it's Michael and he usually has good intentions despite what he says in Greenlight.

I was wearing a skater skirt with a red and black flannel tucked into it and my favorite pair of black combat boots. My boob length brown waves were straightened tonight so my hair came down to just above my belly button with the top have twisted up into a bun on top of my head. I even attempted to do some basic eyeliner and my mascara and just barely filled in my eyebrows. I prayed that I did a decent job at it because I am not good at makeup.

My camera was around my neck as I wandered through the club. It was filling with people, most of them around my age and some who looked like regular club goers.

"Jai," A voice spoke.

I whipped around and had to look up a bit and squint a little to recognize the man dressed in all black, "Michael?"

"I forgot how great you looked on this day," he smiled softly at me. "Happy seventeenth by the way."

I genuinely smiled in what felt like a long time, "Thanks."

He sat down at a table for two and I took the seat across from him, keeping a steady check on where everyone was.

"How's it going with Luke?" He asked.

"What do you mean, how's it going?" I asked, looking back at him and resting my arms on the table. "It's like I don't exist to him, he doesn't talk or text me anymore."

"Well, you're gonna be talking to him a lot real soon in science," he offered, picking at his fingernails.

"What does that mean?" I asked, eyebrows drawing together.

"You two get paired up for a project," he answered.

"Michael, how old are you?" I asked.

"Twenty-nine," he answered.

"Why did you come back here?"

"Because no one deserved what happened," he repeated, the same answer as two months ago. "twenty-twelve is the year that everything for the boys changed, the band takes off and it gets huge and we partied it up and lived like kings and then, well, it all changed."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well, Arzaylea happens and everything seemed okay a while after that but then," he sighed, hesitating like he wasn't sure he really wanted to say it out loud. "Let's just say that everything went wrong and things happened to people that shouldn't have and it's a disaster."

"But why change it?" I asked.

He fixed me with a serious look, "Luke didn't deserve what happened to him, Calum didn't deserve what happened to him or Ryon, she didn't deserve what happened to her either, neither did Ashton, or Crystal, or Rena, or Nia, or Casey, or Roy, Jamie you didn't deserve what happened to you either."

I stared at him with wide eyes because that many people got hurt. That many people were involved with whatever happened and now Michael was trying to fix it.

"None of their families deserved it either," he sighed, burying his face in his hands.

Michael was trying to fix the wrongs that had been done. He was trying to give everyone a second chance at a better life. That did sound truly, utterly, and completely like him. Michael was the kind of person who wanted to save everyone, even if it meant doing it on his own.

"I believe you now," I said.

He lifted his head and looked at me. He wasn't crying at all but the sadness that rolled off of him in waves was so strong that it shook me to my core.

"About all of this," I elaborated. "I believe you, and I'll try my best to fix whatever went wrong and if I have to break them up then I will."

He gave me a soft smile and I stood up from my chair and moved around the table to him. Holding out my arms, he leaned forward and we hugged.

"I promise, I'll fix this," I mumbled.

"Jai, I'm never too far away, remember that," he replied. "Mikey is right there so just talk to him, he's worried about you but know that I also won't be hard to find either."

I pulled away and nodded my head, "I have to go, photos to take."

He smiled and patted the knot of hair on top of my head, making me swat at his hands. He chuckled, "I've missed your hugs."

My expression fell blank but he had already turned away and vanished into the crowd. I had no clue if he was going to stay or leave the show but either way, his words wrapped around my brain and clung to it.

He missed my hugs.

That meant I wasn't in his life anymore.

Was I even alive?