Something Random to Satisfy You With

Chapter 1: Let's Start Things Differently and Get Way Ahead of Ourselves

An event occurs that triggers a problem, the heroes of our story get caught up in the problem, all of them at one point in the story reach an emotional climax that make them rethink about how much they’re spending on their phone bills, they discover the villain who’s been causing the problem, they go out to defeat the villain, they succeed, everyone lives happily ever after, all of them get a cake, and all the dolphins continue to swim safely with their mind focused on breathing instead of getting caught, with every dolphin poacher ship inexplicably blowing up for no good reason.

The End

So now that you’ve fulfilled your desire to spoil yourself with the bare minimum of plot details, let’s start our adventure. If you never felt that desire in the first place, then try to forget the spoilers and try to console yourself by remembering that these were the bare minimum plot details, and that nothing was actually revealed. Now let’s get on with the story.

A bus stopped off at a gas station in a mostly empty town that was barren in soul, topography, and illusionary perspective. Two men got off the bus. One was tall, lean, gnarly, and fuzzed out. His name was Charlie, but liked to be called Chuck because it made him sound younger. The other was slightly shorter, had a built up muscular frame that came from a semi-monthly membership at Gold’s Gym, and soothing olive skin that was as soft as cleaning wax. His name was Alan, but he liked to be called Al, because it was in the same motorbike gang name vein as Chuck. (He was also wearing a helmet that was actually a hood ornament, but that’s not important now.)

The two men took a look around their surroundings, hoping to find warmth and friendliness that would take them and serve them a supper that was so ridiculously over their standards.

The first thing they saw was a five-storey, dark, ominous looking hostel where you could hear voices wailing eerily to the tune of ‘Sometimes Our Dog Doesn’t Want to Fetch That Ball for Us Over and Over Again Because He Doesn’t Like That Shade of Grey”. Deciding that this hostel was probably not the best one, they turned around to see a smaller, safer looking hostel with a suspicious amount of vacancy, and a pool, albeit a freezing one.

The two men were stunned by the day they had experienced. They had supposedly been hunted down by a chicken franchise assassin, launched off into the stratosphere by techniques that broke laws of physics, witnessed a shoot out by chlorophyll holders and messy undead humanoids, held hostage by a group of dumb nerds, and now they were checking into a seemingly innocent hostel at the dawn of day.

The two men walked into the lobby and were greeted by the receptionist, who was small, had red hair curled up in a bun, and wore those tacky glasses that were shaped like a V and had blue glitter splattered all over them.

“Hello, how may I help you?” The receptionist asked in a voice that sounded as caring as a robot’s voice with its batteries dying.

“Can we have a room for two please? And can we have it as a special?” Chuck asked. The Receptionist looked up the hostel’s records on the computer. She sighed and shook her head.

“I’m sorry, but we don’t have any rooms left.” She told the men.

“But I thought you had vacancy!” Al blurted out. Even with his face being disfigured by the hood ornament, you could see he was visibly upset, but the Receptionist glared at him for the rude interruption anyway.

“Your sign does say you have vacancies.” Chuck pointed out, giving her a glare that was more effective due to him practicing his glares during lunch break.

“Well,” The Receptionist drawled out, trying to think of good excuses on why not to let these men in, “all of our double rooms have been booked, and if you want to get into a special room, then you’re going to have to take a Saskatchewan culture test that’s only legal in Yukon.”