Something Random to Satisfy You With

Chapter 15: The Good Ending

“Jake!” Everyone in the crowd gasped.

“But how could you be alive? Didn’t you die in that awesome boss battle?” Scott asked.

“That is what I wanted you to think. But that was my clone, which I got in some secret underground laboratory in Toronto. I got tired of doing the same old thing, getting bribed with beer just so I can vote for someone I don’t even care about. I wanted to be unique. I wanted to be like my great-great-great-great grandfather, so I took college courses over the Internet for six weeks, bought myself a fancy looking suit, and ran for election. Now I will rule Cilcinny!” Jake laughed evilly.

“Yeah but wouldn’t it make sense to try something bigger, like the province of Alberta?” Hershey asked.

“Well it’s better than trying to take over an ice cream shop. Now I’m going to, I’m going to...um...well, you know I didn’t think I would get this far.”

“So you didn’t fully think this through?” Mr. Strong asked.

“Not really.  It’s not my fault I didn’t think everything through. Those people were supposed to be at the pit five minutes earlier!”

So Jake was arrested and everyone was told to go home. It was disappointing and anti-climatic for such an intriguing day, but the overall end result was the opposite in the time to come.

The very next day, an investigation was conducted to bring out the truth of this conspiracy. The investigators managed to compile more than enough evidence within a week, and hearings were called up every time a new batch of evidence surfaced. In the hearings, the following discoveries were presented:

Discovery #1: Lewis Lucas and Max Carlson were indeed leaders of F.A.D and M.O.C, and they had used their position to manipulate their employees and to be granted special luxuries exclusive to their position.

Discovery #2: All the names of the F.A.D and M.O.C agents were found, just before some employees tried shredding them, but couldn’t because someone had shoved some staples and paperclips down there.

Discovery #3: The video tapes from the F.A.D and M.O.C spy satellites were uncovered, and in total their file size was 16 terabytes.

Discovery #4: Mr. Strong was the one who rigged traffic control to allow his agent, Hershey Deutensil, to go to the pawn shop in a delayed trip. On an unrelated but equally important note, he had also imported illegally produced pear cans soaked in peach juice to be sold at a bargain price, and used this scheme to bring down a minor competitor, a lemonade stand operated by an eight year old boy in a wheelchair.

Discovery #5: Pongo Pown had used his pawn shop as a black market for stolen collectors’ items. He started this practice 10 years ago in revenge towards his now deceased father, by stealing his prized limited edition whiskey glass that he won in a thumb wrestling tournament. He would go prowling in the night in a top hat, black cape, and monocle, breaking into people’s houses to steal stuff to pawn. He would leave twisted notes that would taunt his victims, and were always signed off as Lord Thomas Shadyhack. This incidental piece of evidence led police to arrest a semi-famous film director of the same name multiple times. The director lived in a trailer park in California, and up until now this was the only reason Pongo hadn’t been caught yet.

Discovery #6: Nina had recorded all secret telephone conversations and at the moment was writing them down in a book. She hoped to use the manuscript as blackmail towards F.A.D, in return for more vacation time, and a recurring role on Flashpoint.

Discovery #7: Jake was actually Max’s step-grandfather, having seduced and eloped with the granny 26 minutes before she died. While he lived off the inheritance, he threatened Max into giving him resources, or else he would consistently supply homemade explosives to be used by the many haters of Tastes Like Chicken.