Something Random to Satisfy You With

Chapter 16: The Bad Ending

“Jake!” Everyone in the crowd gasped.

“But how could you be alive? Didn’t you die in that awesome boss battle?” Scott asked.

“That is what I wanted you to think. But that was my clone, which I got in some secret underground laboratory in Toronto. I got tired of doing the same old thing, getting bribed with beer just so I can vote for someone I don’t even care about. I wanted to be unique. I wanted to be like my great-great-great-great grandfather, so I took college courses over the Internet for six weeks, bought myself a fancy looking suit, and ran for election. Now before you go on and arrest me, let’s see the results of who won the election.” Jake suggested. So the announcer opened the envelope that contained the results, and read them.

“The candidate who won the 2011 Cilcinny Mayoral Election is Jack Miller,” The Announcer announced, “or Jake Mayer, whichever you prefer, by one vote.”

Jake took out a gun and shot Mayor Ericson, killing him instantly. He then fired off a few more rounds at the body before making a speech.

“Now listen up people! There’s going to be no more Mr. Nice Guy for you! You know all of those things I promised you? Well I lied! I’m going to do the complete opposite. I’m going to enslave you all! I’m going to commit extreme acts of debauchery!” Jake bragged. A representative came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

“What?” Jake demanded.

“Sir,” The Representative said, “this isn’t exactly legal.”

“Shut up! I’m your mayor. Go sit down.” Jake replied indignantly. The representative did as he was told.

“Now you might be wondering,” Jake continued, “if this is a split election, then how could this guy win by one vote? Well ten seconds before the voting office closed, I voted for myself. It was fair. It was legal. It was morally evil, considering the context. Now I am triumphant! Now I am victorious! NOW I WILL RULE THE DAY! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”

So Jake was instated as mayor of Cilcinny. So was the beginning of the end.

The first thing Jake did as mayor was introduce a new social networking system known as POOdlE. The idea was that you could chat with a friend in a special machine called a POOdlE POd by a virtual avatar in the shape of a poodle. You could only communicate by using one word: Poodle. While this could have been confusing, it wasn’t, because for some reason everyone knew what everyone was talking about. The more you said ‘poodle’ the more POOdlE POiNTz you got, which would be ranked on an online leader board. If you wanted to buy any toys for your poodle avatar, you had to spend your POOdlE POiNTz, on whatever you wanted, and go down in ranking. This simple concept proved to be engaging to the people who did and didn’t want to use the site. This was good, since membership was mandatory for the citizens of Cilcinny. However, the minority of rebels still existed.

Reuben, Scott, Nina, and Aaron all joined a resistance headed by Mr. Strong, which he formed after he lost his $1 profit in a rigged bet against Jake. The resistance was named:

W.E.H.A.T.E.C.U.T.E.L.I.T.T.L.E.P.U.P.P.I.E.S.E.S.P.E.C.I.A.L.L.Y.P.O.O.D.L.E.S., but due to time constraits and copyright issues, it had to be shortened to W.E.H.A.T.E.C.U.T.E.L.I.T.T.L.E.P.U.P.P.I.E.S.

Originally the resistance was stationed in Scott’s house, until his mother objected to all the explosives and weaponry lying around, and kicked them in their house. So then they had to relocate to the now old and abandoned Tastes Like Chicken as their new headquarters.

Hershey was kidnapped for experimentation in the POOdlE project. Within six hours she was addicted, and in twelve her body became totally dependent on it, and would start shutting down if she got off the network. Her life became exceedingly mundane, but in a good way. She always had something trivial to be occupied with, and vocabulary didn’t need to be incessantly complex. So for now, life was good.