I Lost Everything But Found You

Chapter 14- We Need To Talk

Alexander has been acting strange since I kissed him. I didn't think it would be that much of a deal to him. Of course, to me it was huge. I kissed my Alexander.

I do regret it though. I wish our first kiss would have been something romantic in the future. Maybe once we're a bit older and we go on an amazing date. I take him home and he turns to go into his house, but changes his mind and runs back to me, smashing his lips onto mine.

But at least I got to kiss him. If nothing else works out between us, romantically I mean, at least I got one kiss.

"Magnus?" We got to my place about half an hour ago, and he's been avoiding the conversation.

"Yes Alexander?" He blushed a little.

It's always surprised me, nobody else has ever been allowed to call Alec Alexander, Ive heard his parents call him that only a few times even, and he got mad at them. But he hasn't once told me to stop, in fact I think he likes me calling him Alexander.

At first, I only called him Alexander cause I knew it would bug him, but I never stopped. I like it.

"We need to talk." He mutters.

"I know, you're the one that has been avoiding this 'talk'." I remind him.

"I know..." He hangs his head.

"If you don't actually want to talk we can just watch a movie or play a video game or a board game. We can do whatever you want Alec. We dont have to talk." I assure him.

He seems stressed, I'm scared he thinks that I want him to talk and that's why he's doing it. Of course I want to talk about it, well actually I just want him to say he liked it. But if he can't talk about it, yet or ever. It's okay.

"No. We need to talk. This isn't something I can just push down and ignore." He looks up into my eyes. "I just need to you stay quiet please, let me talk and I'll tell you when I'm done. Then and only then can you talk. I'm afraid if you say something I might lose my confidence and decide not to say it."

"Okay." I tell him, nodding slowly.

"Promise me Magnus. Don't say a word until I tell you I'm done. I need to day all of it."

"I promise." I give him a quick nod and get comfortable.

"I'm not sure where to start exactly." He chuckles. "I guess the beginning..."

He climbs onto my bed with me, I lean against the wall and he sits directly in front of me with his legs out to the side, staring directly into my eyes.

"When I first met you I was still dealing with not understanding what was going on with me, I had thought of the fact that I might be gay, but I shoved it down completely. I refused to admit... Well, a few things."

He pauses for a moment, probably gathering confidence to continue, but why is he struggling to say that he refused to admit he was gay? I already know that he's gay.

"First off, that I was gay, but you already knew that. That isn't what I wanna talk about. What I want to talk about is what made me realize that I was gay."

He looks me dead in the eye.

"Magnus I like you. A lot."

I sit there in shock, I want him to continue, or tell me he's done, or anything. But he just sits there and looks at me.

"Are you gonna say something...? Please at least say something."

I raise my eyebrows at him. No matter how shocked I am, nothing he can do or say will ever make me lose my personality, even temporarily.

"Magnus?"

I get up off my bed and grab a piece of paper and a pen.

Done? I write.

He rolls his eyes at me and laughs nervously.

"Yes Magnus, I'm done now. You can speak." He smiles and shakes his head.

I take a deep breath.

"Alexander you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that, the fact that you've said it leaves me speachless and stunned but yet I also have a million things I wanna say but I know if I stop for even a second that I won't be able to keep going so I'm gonna get as much out as I can before I physically need to breathe, so I have liked you for such a long time and I'm always saying things to Jasmine about you, she knows more about you than you could ever imagine, in fact the way I figured out I was bi is because I was talking about you to Jas..."

I take a mother deep breath a keep going.

"And she kept telling me that I talk about you like you're done god, and apparently my eyes light up like Christmas lights when I'm thinking about you and talking about you, so she asked me if I liked you and I told her that of course I didn't, you were a boy, but she made me really think about it and the more I thought of you the more I knew just how much I really did like you, this was back when I was dating Camille and the real reason I broke up with Camille is because when I heard love songs and shit I thought of you instead of Camille, and without anybody telling me I know that I looked at you the way I probably should have looked at Camille and I just couldnt have Camille finding out about it or anything, she would have outed me and I had just barely come to terms with it, oh my god I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, Alexander I think I'm going to pass out."

I finally stop ranting. I said the whole thing with only one big breath in between, I take a few deep breaths, trying to get back to normal again before I pass out.

And of course, judging by the look on Alexander's face, he heard none of it.

I didn't even say exactly what I wanted to say, I just couldn't stop going on.

"Are you okay Mags?" Alec laughs.

"Yeah... Yeah sorry. How much of that did you actually understand?"

"Enough to get the point." He smiles. "I'm surprised I understood as much as I did, you managed to say something that should have taken you 2 or 3 minutes and said it in about 20 seconds."

He looks completely stunned at me.

"So..." I give him a half smile.

"Yeah." He returns my facial expression.

"What now?" I ask.

"BOYS! IM HOME! AND I BROUGHT YOU TWO SOME SNACKS!" We hear from downstairs.

Great timing mom.

We both race to the kitchen, as usual, and, of course, I win. But not by a lot.

I throw my arms up and dance around, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Oh Magnus... I really hope Alec truly beats you one day, you won't know what to do." My mom smiles and shakes her head.

"I don't think you understand how much I want that to happen." Alec mumbles.

"We'll keep dreaming Alexander." I say his name in a teasing way. "It'll never happen. So... Mom, what did you get us?" I grin at her.

She smiles at us and starts pulling things out of the bag one by one.

Salt and vinegar Pringles, popcorn, 2L of Root Beer, and a few bags of candy.

"I kind of assumed Alec was staying the night if he's here, since it's Friday, so I got a little extra."

We both run and hug her.

Me and Alec grab all the food and run to my room.

"You're the best, Mom!" I call over my shoulder.

"I better be!" I hear her call back.

We get to my room and close the door, hopping back into my bed and laying all the food out in front of us, the earlier conversation completely dropped, but not forgotten.