Journal Of Gwen Stacy

Page 56

Journal entry #56

Still nothing.... it's been a week, he's been out for an entire week.. I mean, yeah I was out for 5 months, but- surely it isn't that bad.. right? It can't be-

Oh.. and still no, son. Or friends... I mean, MJ stopped by, but like- not even Clara, or.. May.. Not even my own family..

And to be honest.. I'm getting to a stage where I just can't cope anymore..
But I just.. do you understand how it feels, to lose two of the largest pillars in your life? Two individual people who in different ways shaped who you are as a person. All your ambitions and dreams.. and what your fears come from.. the way that they interacted with you and where such a large part of your everyday life. To say, that you feel lost doesn't give justice to the amount of tears, and.. loneliness, having the fear of losing them.

Yet- at least you know when you lose a person- to death, that deep down the pain will fade- all the damn joyful memories will outlast the pain of there absence. As I have said this before, I'm not going to like.. brag on about it. But.. just seeing Peter lay there.. me not knowing if he'd wake up.

If I lost him.. I mean.. it won't be easy- but at least if it had been him, I would have been able to to grieve like a normal person and come out of the other side stronger.

I mean my dad.. and now Pete? There both such important people in my life.. and Jake too of course, but he's still standing and well.. dads gone, and Peter could be right behind him.

Look, I understand that I come off as strong and adaptive, but didn't anyone even care about what I was going through? I'm still going through.. oh no. Let Gwen Parker just sit there and deal with it, she'll be fine! God sakes...

That felt good to get out- but.. damn.. I just need someone by my side right now.. and I have seriously forgotten how tall Peter is.. I'm not tiny, by any means, at 5'6 I'm above average for an American woman.. but Pete.. including that long, think chocolate brown hair. I mean.. I remember I used to have to crane my neck up a little to look into those damn brown doe eyes.. man- I miss that gaze.. that gaze, that makes you feel like it's just the two of in the room. God- it makes my heart melt..

If only he woke up.. I bet you, he'd say something.. like as if we weren't in an awkward situation, deconstructing any stress that I had building up in a situation- that's another thing that I love about Peter, he can turn anything awkward into something entertaining without even trying.

Ohmygod back to his eyes.. I just- really wanna get lost in his gaze and.. cup his cute innocent face-

And for all the awkward, shy and clumsy things that you could say about him. Peters gaze always shows more emotion, in just of that little moment of viewing than a normal person could with full facial movement

But I've been sitting here for a while, a few moments ago, I looked up at him, a sad smile found it's way to my lips, I traced my hand to his right cheek, cupping it. And I  started grazing his cheek with my thumb. As I did, I was kinda hoping for a reaction.. or at least him to move in the slightest- but.. of course there wasn't.. I lent over and kissed his cheek softly, to be honest.. I hadn't done that in ages- I missed how soft, and warm his skin was..

I sighed, getting up, and walking outside of the hospital.. I guess I just needed some air- or- I was hoping that someone might actually be thinking of me.. and hopefully they'd just give me a hug.. because honestly.. that's all I need right now..

Hopefully tomorrow's a better day.. or any minute of this life.. damn, please wake up Bug-Boy....

-Gwen.

//I wanna try and bring back longer entries like I used to. Open rp