Stigma #3 » k.th ✓

fifteen

I know I shouldn't be staying here. I woke up an hour before Clara did and so far, both of us had been acting normal around each other as she prepared breakfast. She's awfully doing a lot for me at her house, even though we haven’t really known each other for that long. I have to somehow return the favor someday.

“Good morning,” I greeted her as soon as she was already placing the plates on the table. It seemed rude not to greet her even after what happened last night.

“Uh, hey, um, listen,” Clara pulled a chair and sat across from me as she started her breakfast with milk; seeing as the only food on her plate was half a sandwich. Come to think of it, she doesn’t seem to be gaining any weight at all. Clara prepared me noodles while she had a single sandwich and yet she seemed used to it. Must be some kind of routine. “I just wanted to tell you to forget about everything that happened last night. It never happened. Kaput! Poof!”

“Uhm, sure.” Trust issues, maybe. “I promise you it won't get out, it’ll stay just between the two of us. Plus, hey,” She was munching a bite from half of the sandwich she prepared for herself. But Clara made eye contact along with me. “What I said last night, I wasn’t joking at all. And if you ever need someone to listen to you, I’ll be there.”

Clara was somewhat like my sister; I see her in a vulnerable state and I feel most responsible for her happiness and safety. Most probably, I’d have to keep an eye on her for some time now. She smiled when I said those things. And she nodded. “Thank you, Tae.” She actually called me by a nickname Lisa always calls me by. Surprisingly.

♠

Clara and I were clearly ready and waiting at the end of the street for the bus to arrive. When suddenly, a thought came to mind. If we go together on that bus, with people knowing about my so-called ‘scandal’ and Clara— this is going to be a difficult turn of events.

“Uhm, Clara, maybe you should get on that bus. Go on without me. I’ll find myself a ride there.”

She looked at me funny, with her eyebrows furrowed. “Now you’re afraid of being seen together? Be mistaken as a couple, I presume? Is that it? ‘Cause if so, I don’t care, Tae.” She even raised her arms up to her shoulder length to prove her point, taken aback.

“No, you don’t understand. I have a bad reputation. Someone. . .made rumors about me, no matter how stupid it is— I still don’t want you to get involved with it.”

The closer the bus came, the louder the beeping went. I was about to walk away from the scene, let her take it first since I don’t have first classes anyway in the morning. However, her hand dragged me along with her while getting into the bus. No choice. Clara really seemed fine with it.

As soon as we made it inside, half of the passengers were staring at our hand-holding, a bunch of whispers coming our way as they continued to make assumptions about us. But when Clara sat herself by the window, everything was invisible. Our surroundings became invisible, seeing as she really didn’t care at all. She’s just sitting here beside me, looking out through the window as if the whispering didn’t just happen.

“That wasn’t so bad now, was it?” Clara shifted her position so she could lean her left arm against the backrest, as if stating she’s listening.

“Maybe. I’m used to it, I’ve been dealing with the problem ever since the night it came out.” I covered my mouth, she doesn’t know about it yet— maybe? Still, I wanted to keep up the good rep I have with her right now.

“Prom night?”

Clara looked away the moment I had realized; she’s known all this time and she never judged me at all. Never attempted to threaten me or come at me with whatever she wanted with me. “You know about that?”

Clara nodded honestly. “It was utterly ridiculous to believe it, after all. Jimin told me himself.”

“Jimin. . .did?” Jimin defended me? Behind my back?

“Yeah,” A sigh of relief. “we may have had a terrible past together, but that doesn’t mean he was never the good guy.”

All this time, I had been doubting his ‘loyalty’ and such. I feel so stupid, like an a-hole who’s overthinking things when in fact he had done nothing wrong against me. Maybe this is a sign to let him get together with my sister. On the contrary, I believe they are together now. Knowing Lisa, she’s probably fallen head over heels for him and Jimin being crazy about her.

“Wow. He and I didn’t become so close in highschool, but he still kept considering me as his best friend.”

“Maybe because you are.”

“Thanks for telling me this. I really appreciate it.”

A shrug was used as a response back. “You needed to cheer up. On the plus side, you also have me. You don’t have to face it alone now.”

Breath hitched. Constant eye contact. Chest tightening. Cheeks flustered. I must be going crazy. “I–I could say the same thing to you. Look, if your ‘boyfriend’ still does that to you, text me as soon as he does. And I’ll be there.” She took out her phone and let me type in my phone number.

“I don’t really believe it, but an attempt would be adorable.”

“You don’t believe I will do it?”

“Honestly, no.” The smile on her face hasn’t faded away yet, though. I returned her phone; before I could even tell her to put in hers in mine, she says, “I’ll text you myself. I promise.”

♠

I saw Jimin and Lisa walking together, coming from her dormitory when I had just gotten off the bus.

"You coming?" Clara asked; with one last glance at the two laughing together, holding each other’s hands, I went to my classroom along with her.

Once I got there, Yoongi hyung was already fast asleep on his table beside mine. The professor arrived earlier than anticipated, so I shook him by the arm to wake him up. “Hyung, hyung, hyung!”

“Aish, stop it, you brat, I’m—” Yoongi hyung opened his eyes as wide as he could, first before finishing his sentence. “—sleeping. . .”

“Ne, hyung, I got good news.”

“What is it?” He stretched out his arms, along with his legs spread underneath the table, rubbing his eyes, looking like a cute little kitten as he is. “Is it about that girl you keep telling me about?”

“Ah, well,” My hand reached for the back of my neck, trying to hide my embarrassment. “I–I slept over at her place. . .out of some circumstances.”

“Really, now?” Yoongi let out a light chuckle, his sleepy eyes making me feel sleepier than he seemed to be. “And nothing happened while you two were staying together? Is that even possible or are you fooling your hyung now?”

"I don't think I can tell you about why, though. But she kissed me."

"Hallelujah for you, then."

"I guess. . ?"

"Alright, you lot, stop slacking around and get ready for the attendance."

♠

posted APR 18 2018