Stigma #3 » k.th ✓

four

Jimin went ahead and told me as he slung his bag on his back that he was looking for his prom date. Apaprently, he snagged his own. I’m proud of him. Hopefully, nobody disrupts his perfect moment. Meanwhile, I went to Lisa’s classroom to fetch her. Coincidentally, I caught her packing her books into her bag with her head hanging low. Her classmates were pretty much all girls and they didn’t seem friendly, in general. Lisa stood up, about to walk towards the door with a smile coming up on her face when she saw me, but one of those girls bumped her on the shoulder on purpose while they were walking out of the room.

I was going to go after them, but Lisa, holding on to my arm, stopped me. I fixed my neck tie and then turned to Lisa to ask if she was alright; she nodded calmly, forcing a smile. “Don’t go after them, please.” Her voice was shaking, her grip on me was tight; unlike the carefree Lisa I know back at home. With that, I only managed to bite the inside of my cheek and then held my sister by the hand while walking out of the school.

"Lisa, what is up with you these days? Lately you seem quiet—too quiet. You don’t bother telling me, not even with what’s happening to you in class," I must've been making it harder for her since she winced, wailing out in pain as she grabbed her hand from mine. I went to look at it before rubbing it and apologized. "Look, I'm just worried about—"

"Then, stop."

"What?"

"Just stop trying to be the perfect guy and acting up like the man of the house all the time," The way she said those words, with her head still hanging low; she had her eyes closed, still. I could tell how she was shivering in fear yet at the same time, was frustrated—with me? "Don’t tell me I don't open up to you, because I always do! It's you who rarely ever tell me anything about what's happening in your life. The last thing I ever found out about you was that date with Kim Soon Hee. But after that, you still refuse to tell me about the struggles you're going through."

I stayed silent, waiting for her to calm down. Tears were rolling down her face as she tried keeping up a straight expression and to get a grip of herself to finish what she wanted to stay. "Can't you see I'm worried about you, as well? I don't know what happens in your life, nor your friends. I don't even know what happened to you and Soon Hee-unnie after the first date.. I–I just want to be your shoulder to cry, too.. You're the only family I have."

I held on to Lisa's hand and nodded, biting my lower lip. "Let's eat outside for today." And she followed without any complaint. I kept her hand in mine, so she wouldn't get lost or be run over by the cars passing through the road. We managed to make it to the noodle shop in no time and ordered. While waiting, I couldn't help but stare at her wiping her tears off with the tissues available in this restaurant. Even though I've always looked at her as someone very close to me, I never knew she felt this way nor did it ever occur to me I wasn't opening up enough about myself. I didn't think she'd want to know about it.

So I bow my head, knowing it’d be hard for me to tell my thoughts about it. "I just assumed you wouldn’t think much of paying attention about my life. I thought I was doing a great job being your brother, but hearing you say those things makes me feel like even though I support and provide for you, it’s not enough to call me as your family. I'm not really an open person, but I tend to be when people ask me questions. I just wait for you to ask me instead of telling it to you straight away. It makes me feel weird talking at home, especially with our Dad there." I look up to see Lisa staring at me, waiting for me to finish my lines.

"But I promise, from now on, I'll tell you everything." With that as the finishing touch, I gave her my usual boxy smile and started mixing our udon noodles together to make one big meal. Then handed her chopsticks to eat it with. Meanwhile, I saw a glimpse of her smiling from the corner of her lips.