Stigma #3 » k.th ✓

eleven

Three days had passed by when I decided to go over to the library to hang out. Not that I'm a big fan of reading but I do read a few that I liked. Then fate has changed my belief. The same petite girl I had been hoping to see again was reading all by herself in the middle of the room. She seemed too immensed to notice anything going around her. I could've sworn her eyes sparkled at the certain chapter she found herself smiling over. Meanwhile, I tried my best to just observe her. I didn't want to seem like a stalker—this is not stalking, though. It was destiny that led to this.

I decided to approach her by pretending I accidentally let the book slip out of my hands while I was trying to take it out of its place on the shelf. "Oops, sorry about that."

She let out a lightly laugh. She laughed for the first time. In fact this would be the first time I had seen her smile. "What are you doing?" Maybe it was just my imagination that she actually warmed up to me.

I think of an excuse, "Uh, placing books where they really belong."

She looked at me once before closing her book, pulling out her chair and said this as a farewell: "You can take this seat. I'm done reading for the day." and out she walked of the library.

♠

The next day, I met her again. She sat beside me once again without putting much thought into it. I woke up—I woke up? The last thing I remember was that I was looking at the outside of the window. Then the next thing I know, I'm rising up from this girl's shoulder.

"I'm sorry,"

"Seriously we shouldnt be apologizing everytime we meet. It's starting to mean I'm sorry we met again."

I look at her book after nodding in agreement. It didnt seem like it had romance for a theme or genre; more like political, made for intellectuals. I'm assuming she is one.

"Let’s start over?"

And she started right away. "I like reading books. I just like analyzing their context--what it means or what the author is trying to say."

"Ah," I'm more of an art lover than reading books. "I meant—"

"Would you like to read this?" she's actually trying to befriend me this time.

"I'm assuming it's your favorite? Seeing how much you'd want me to."

"You dont actually have to read it. It was just a suggestion."

"I will read it IF,"

"What makes you think I owe you a favor?"

"I can see you'd want me to really read it. Plus it's just something basic. Something i've been meaning to ask you."

"Depends on the question,"

"What's your name?"

"Seems fair since you already gave me yours. Plus, you have been trying to, all week, so." She looked at me before she smiled and gave in. "Call me Clara. Just Clara. I don't want to be going around sharing my family name."

"Call me Taehyung." Not V or anything. "There's also another thing."

"What?"

"Have we met before? You seem so familiar, I just can't remember where I last saw you. Other than the welcoming party, of course." How could I forget that?

"Oh," She seemed hesitant, reluctant to answer. "I was actually assuming you know of me since you're a close friend of Jimin."

"You know Jimin?"

"Of course I do. But seeing as he didn’t share anything—our pact has been kept."

"How did you know I'm friends with Jimin?"

"I used to go to the same school with you two. And I always see you together. From the party too."

"Are you an old friend or-?"

"This is my stop." And she gets off without turning back to me, completely cutting me off before I could ask her for more.

I was actually curious enough to ask Jimin about her; about their past but I figured if Jimin would've wanted me to know, he'd be comfortable telling me about it. There's something more to Jimin than meets the eye. Only then do I realize he's never actually opened up to me about his date before. Or other past friends. So I ignored the idea and let Clara tell me when it's time.

♠

The next couple days she had gone distant. She would sit the farthest seat away from mine with her earphones plugged in. When it was getting out of hand, I approached her first.

"Clara."

"Taehyung, what-"

"Did I do something? Did i say something wrong for you to avoid me this much?"

"No, but I’m assuming you already have."

"Wh-what is it? Come on, tell me. I thought we were going well-"

"OK, look, Taehyung, we are not friends, firstly. And I know you may have already told jimin about meeting me, so I’m assuming he'll be talking badly of me. Ah, I can’t—it must’ve rubbed off on me." She started touching her hair, twirling her fingers at the end of it like it’s a habit she does in situations like this.

"No." As much as I wanted to, "I didn’t. I'd feel awful. Besides I haven't known jimin for that long so maybe I won't know about it." Jimin and I may go way back in middle school, but we haven’t really been that close when highschool came. He had his own friends and I had (been betrayed) mine.

"The point is, I can't be friends with you. This is nothing. Just two people having small talk." Clara still kept denying it.

"Shouldn't that be considered friends?" I persisted the idea into her head.

"Just-" The bus stops. "Don’t. You'll only get hurt."

If she knew that then why would she have approached me in the first place? Why would she have made me think we can actually be friends? Never mind about me getting hurt; I already am at this point.

♠

posted APR 2 2018