Learn To Love Again

Chapter 30

I lay flat on my back in bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the sound of the rain on the roof.

Under normal circumstances, I would've been in tears by then, but I wasn't. For some God-sent reason, I wasn't thinking about Patrick. I was thinking about how good it felt to be held by detective Sterling; how comforting it had been to hear him tell me it was okay; how I had felt as though, if I could just hear him say it a few more times, I'd start to believe it; how I had felt like I never wanted him to let go.

I sighed. This was a man I knew absolutely nothing about; a man I could barely stand.

Then why was his touch so warm and comforting, like I've known him forever?

In some subtle way, he kinda reminded me of Patrick.

As soon as the thought was out, I mentally kicked myself. There was nothing about the two that was similar. I had been in love with Patrick, there as nothing between detective Sterling and I.

Okay, maybe I admire him just a little... that's all... just mere admiration.

I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It read 9:02pm. I wondered if detective Sterling was still outside or if officer Barnes had already gotten there.

Seeing as I had run out of his car like a mad woman, if he were still outside, he would've already checked to ensure I hadn't gone senile.

I didn't know why I had done that. My emotions had been out of place then and I was a bit embarrassed about crying in front of him. At that moment, there was nothing I had wanted more than for the sky to open up and take me in.

I was abruptly snapped back to the present by a loud knock on my front door. I jumped at the sound. Who could've been knocking at my door this late, especially with the heavy rain falling outside?

The knocking continued and I climbed out of bed and pulled on my robe.

"I'm coming!" I said angrily as I made my way downstairs.

I unlocked the door and pulled it open. My eyes grew wide and my heart skipped what felt like twenty seconds worth of beats.

Detective Sterling stood on the other side of the door, soaked. His pink shirt, made transparent by the rain, clung to his body like a second skin, revealing every inch of muscle on his torso and arms. Water dripped from his clothes and formed a small puddle on the porch.

It took me a while to find my voice. "What's wrong? Why are you he–?"

I didn't get a chance to finish. In one swift movement, he closed the distance between us and lowered his lips to mine, knocking all the air out of my lungs.

His lips were soft and moist, radiating such intense heat, my insides soon began to melt. My legs grew weak and his hand moved to the small of my back, steadying me.

All the alarms went off in my head, telling me to pull away, to scream for him to stop, but the only sound that escaped my lips was a soft moan as his tongue caressed my lips. They involuntarily parted and, as he entered, the heat multiplied. My hand moved up his arm and came to rest on his lower jaw.

It was like my body wasn't even connected to my brain anymore. I found myself ignoring all the warnings in my head and responding with every bit of urgency that he put out. The more he deepened the kiss, the more I felt out of touch with myself.

Buried emotions I had never thought I'd ever be able to feel again began to surface, bringing with them those new emotions I had never even felt before.

This had to stop.

Mustering up all the strength and will my body possessed, I separated my lips from his.

It took me a while to regain my composure and, when I did, all I could feel was remorse over the fact that I allowed him to make me feel the way he did. I was angry at myself, and I was angry at him.

"Please leave," I heard myself say. My voice was barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"Leave," I repeated, my voice stronger now. "Get out of my house!"

I knew what would happen if I were to grow attached to him. He would leave me, just like Patrick did, and I couldn't imagine going through that again.

A cloud of confusion covered his face. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Everything," I responded. "Just go. And please don't return. I don't ever want to see you again."

My voice sounded foreign, even to my own ears, and there was more bitterness there than I had intended.

I caught a glimmer of something in his eyes before it disappeared.

He didn't say anything. He turned and walked out the door and into the heavy rain.

I shut and locked the door behind him, then pressed my back against it and let out a heavy breath I wasn't aware I had been holding in.

What just happened?

I started to frantically pace the floor, my mind racing.

"Okay, calm down," I told myself. "It was just a kiss. That's all. So what if I felt things I wasn't supposed to? It doesn't mean anything."

Yes. I had obviously lost my mind. I was talking to myself.

You know what? Everything's fine. You have everything under control. What you felt was nothing. Besides, you probably won't ever see him again.

I mentally slapped myself as I realized that the thought of not seeing him again wasn't as alluring as I had hoped. Just the day before, I could barely tolerate him and now I couldn't seem to get him off my mind.

Suddenly realizing how thirsty I was, I made my way to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. Tears stung my eyes as I brought the glass to my lips, but I blinked them back. I wasn't going to cry. There was nothing to cry about.

One thing I knew for sure, however, was that there was more between detective Sterling and I than just 'mere admiration'.

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A/N:

Thanks a million for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. Let me know what you think.

Also, the story is going to end soon. I had initially intended to write 30 chapters but I still have a chapter or two...or three...to go. Keep reading.

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★It's Carmen. Love y'all!★