The Open Canvas [Poetry]

4 A.M

They say time heals all wounds but mine is still open.
The pain is still unbearable.
It still bleeds.

And I can't sleep.

Everytime I close my eyes, the image of you burns by mind.
I am being electricuted.

Sweat dripping down my face.
And I wished it was the shower pouring over our naked bodies.

I look up to the ceiling wishing I was looking at your face.

I sigh as I sink my head into the soft pillow, wishing I was laying on your hard chest.
I loved to to hear the beating of your heart.

It beat for me and only me.

I pulled the covers over my body and I wished it was your arms wrapped around me, letting me know that I am safe.

I am in one of your shirt again.
I wear them everynight just to feel close to you.
I loved to smell your scent on me.

You imprinted on me.

I imagine you mindlessly playing with my ear lobe while you tell me how your day went.
You loved doing that.
I imagine you teasing me, like you usually do, for putting lotion on my entire body.
The way you look at me when you know I am saying something crazy.

You loved to bite my shoulders to let me know you are in the mood.
The way you grip my waist when we walked together.
The way you held me as we cried together when I told you that I had a miscarriage.

You were always there.

I loved when we made up after having an argument.
You never wanted us to go to bed without solving our problems.
Even when I wanted to stay angry with you for a while.

I missed your weird laughter, which always seems to made me laugh.
The way you place your tongue to the side of your cheek when you are thinking.
The way you scratch the back of your neck when you are confused.
The way you smack your mouth when you eat just to annoy me.

It drove me crazy.

What I would do to hear those sounds again.

I love to see how intense your face gets when you are watching football.
How your face lit up when you talked about something you love.
The way I held you when you cried in my arms the day you got the news that your father had died.

I miss it all.

The good.

The bad.

The happy.

The sad.

I rememberd the day you told me that you will always be by my side.

But you lied.

You left me.

You left me in this house, in this bed.

Alone.

But I know it wasn't your fault.
You were taken from me.

Your heart doesn't beat for me anymore.

It can't.

Not in this world.

It has been a year and this is my nightly routine.

I wake up.

I remember.

I cry.

At 4 A.M.