Love in Healing

Chapter 12 (Continued)

"We need to go," he started to ease her off him but she clung to him. It had been several minutes since the last orgasm and he was still inside her. He felt ragged and weak except the part where he did not want to come out of her.

"No," she whispered as she bent his head and feathered her lips along his jaw. "Please."

He shuddered against her and then with a superhuman will he plucked her off him and put her onto the seat next to him while he zipped up his pants, all the time avoiding her eyes. "Talk to me." she said softly. her blouse was in tatters and she realized that she was going to have to button up her jacket to cover it.

"I have nothing to say," he told her grimly. "If you were wondering how I still feel about you you have the answer. I need to go Chandra."

"I am sorry," she reached out and touched his bare arm. He shrank away from her and she removed her hand. "I know you will not forgive me for what I did-"
"I have forgiven you," he told her stonily. "I have to don't I?" he asked her bitterly as he placed his hands on the steering wheel, his fingers tight. "The Bible says we have to forgive no matter what and I know that more than most."

"Gary please look at me."

He did not turn around and she continued. "I messed up." she told him softly. "I could not handle what you feel for me and I ran as fast as i could. And then I was with-"

"Stop!" his shout caused her to jump. "I don't want to heat about him. You chose him over me and he hurt you." he pulled the door open and got out of the vehicle. Chandra watched as he shoved his hands into his pockets and stared off over the old barn, his expression wintry. She had never seen him like this before and it scared her into thinking that he was pass listening to her.

She took a deep breath and got out. "Okay I won't talk about it." she stood in front of him willing him to look at her. "I just want to tell you that I will never hurt you that way again."

He looked at her, his blue eyes wandering over her tattered blouse and her lips swollen with his rough handling of her. There were marks on her pale skin that indicated how impatient and hard he had been. He should not have come. He was not strong where she was concerned and he knew that! "I cannot see you this way again." his voice was weary. "I should not have come here and meet you. It won't happen again." he turned to leave.

"You love me!" she cried out and caused him to stop and turn back to her. "You cannot walk away from that. i won't let you."
He strode over to her and pulled her into his arms roughly, his lips going down on hers as he kissed her deeply, his mouth moving over hers and devouring her. Then he stepped back and looked at her. "Yes, I love you." he told her quietly. "More than I could ever imagine loving another person. When you left I was almost destroyed and I wanted to leave the ministry. It is my calling and I made a commitment to God and I almost broke it because of you. I am walking away Chandra. i suggest you do the same."

Before she could respond he had gone back into the vehicle. He slammed the door and putting the car into drive he drove away leaving her staring after him!

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He drove for miles way up into the countryside where the houses were few and far between. He could not go back to his place, at least not yet. He stopped the car beneath a huge oak tree and killed the engine. The night was balmy and he could smell dandelions growing nearby. He could still smell her on him. he closed his eyes and remembered being inside her, the way she had felt against his penis, her lips and her nipples! he slammed his hands against the wheel and stifled a tortured groan. He had told her he did not want to see her again and he meant it. He did not trust her. She had left once before and she could leave again and this time he was not sure he would survive her leaving again. She was out of his league, too beautiful, too damned sexy! She did not belong in a small town. Beauty like hers was made to show to the world and he could appreciate that! He had fallen in love with her and she had not asked him to do so! "Oh God! please help me!"

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"Are you okay honey?" Caroline asked her as she came into the room. 

"I am just a little tired," Chandra forced a smile as she looked at her sister. She had come home hoping that Caroline was not there and had sighed with relief when she had realized that she was not there. She had taken a shower and put on her pajamas and got straight into bed. She had told herself that she was not going to cry but she had did exactly that.

"You look tired. Are you coming down with something?" she asked in concern as she came further into the room.

"NO I am fine. Stop worrying."

"I can't help it," Caroline sat on the side of the bed. "I will never be able to relate what you went through with-" she stopped and looked at her sister uncertainly.

"With Marco," Chandra smiled slightly. "I am learning to deal with it now Caro. I spent a lot of nights wondering how on earth I could have been so stupid. But I have stopped and I intend to start living my life again."
"What about Pastor Gary?"

For a moment Chandra felt as if she was going to break in two. "We are not suited. We never were."

"He still loves you."
"I am sure he does. Do you mind if we don't talk about him?"

"Of course honey." she got to her feet. "Would you like some tea?"

"No thanks Caro. I just want to get some sleep."

"Well goodnight," she bent over and kissed her sister. "It's going to be okay."

"I believe so." Chandra waited until her sister had left before burying her face into her pillows and giving way to tears!