Wild And Free [Namjin]

Chapter 8

The funeral was small.
Namjoon stood at the grave with his head hung low and the sunny weather adding to his gloom. How can the sun shine at a time like this? He kept thinking. His black suit suffocated him as he swam in the sweat of a uniform he oh so hated to wear.

His dad, on the other hand, looked natural in a black suit, but Namjoon knew he was just as sad, probably grieving twice as much. It was a horrible day, but somehow the comforting hand of a still caring nurse suppressed another fit of tears that dammed behind Namjoon's eyes. He looked at Jin with heaviness and a beginning depression, but Jin knew nothing of how to react.

He'd never been to any of his patients' funerals. He just waited to be laid off and reassigned to the next one. Admittedly, quite a few died, and he still stuck around even though it was inevitable. He could only prolong it for the sake of their uncaring family. This one, though, struck his heart a million times harder, his chest aching at the site of his relatively new friend and his dad. He was devastated, and before he could stop it, tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and slid down his smooth, red cheeks.

***

Jin knocked softly before opening the door, a tray of mouthwatering food balanced on the palm of his hand. Slowly, he pushed the door and let it glide open, revealing a lump of blankets on a lonely but still occupied bed. Jin averted his eyes towards the nightstand and found that, just like every other time, the previous meal was left untouched except for an evident couple of pitiful bites. "Namjoona.." Jin sighed in desperation and defeat. "You have to eat something." He said, moving over to the bed to switch out the old tray with the new one.

The small bit of hair that was popping out from under the blanket looked oily and unkempt. Namjoon hadn't been taking care of himself since the day of the funeral three weeks prior, and it tore Jin's heart apart. His dad didn't do a great job of comforting him, since he had to leave the day after, so Namjoon had been drowning in blankets and self-pity ever since. Jin couldn't bring himself to look under the covers before then, but the weight of not knowing what Namjoon looked like became too heavy. The bed dipped slightly when he sat down and gently unraveled Namjoon's face.

He was sleeping- it's all he's been doing, but even in his sleep, he looked restless. He was curled up and clutching his chest that probably ached from bawling himself to sleep. His eyes now had a permanent frown and his round lips became chafed and dry. He grew a stubble that was slowly becoming a thick, uneven beard. Depression didn't show in his individual features, but he reeked with it as a whole unit. Jin didn't even know if Namjoon was still a whole unit.

Namjoon lazily opened his eyes to find Jin staring right back at him. There was a few moments of silence where the both of them read through each other's eyes and realized they hadn't really looked at one another in three weeks' time.
"I'm sorry." Namjoon said, shooting an arrow straight through Jin's heart. I should be apologizing he thought, already tearing up. "God knows how long you'd been taking care of her, and now I'm being all the more selfish by making you take care of me too."

They were both shedding silent tears, Namjoon's puffy eyes squinting against the strong light. "How can I not? You were the one friend I've made in so long. You felt like a reward to me after years of witnessing painful deaths and even more sickeningly slow recoveries. I never knew hope until I met you and your mother- two people that knew to stick with each other. That's why it hurts a thousand times more to see you like this. I should be sorry for not taking good care of you."

A sob echoed off the wall and it sounded suppressed as it forced itself through Namjoon's teeth. He freed his skinny arms and hugged Jin's waist with such little power, but it was all he had. Then, he cried. He cried so loud it hurt to hear. Jin pulled him closer and caressed his hair gently, silently weeping and hoping to move at least a step forward from there. Namjoon was too precious to break, and he was already beyond broken, but definitely not beyond repair.