A Clusterfuck of Things Going Wrong 2

Chapter 10

"Thank you for letting us stay the night here," said Justin as he and the rest of the gang were saying their goodbyes. "You're all very nice people."

"Yes, thank you," Violet agreed.

"It's been a pleasure," said Jedediah, surrounded by the rest of the village.

Just then, Quigley dropped his watch. "God damn it," he said under his breath. The entire Amish community gasped.

"You dare take the name of the Lord in vain?!" exclaimed Jedediah. Long story short, they were chased out with pitchforks and torches, and didn't stop fleeing until they came to a rest stop about two miles down. There, Justin used their phone.

"Hello, is this Chris? Yeah, it's me Justin. Miss you too... honey." Despite him whispering this last word, Quigley still heard him and let out a laugh.

"You and Chris Christie?" Quigley exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes, and they love each other," said Violet defensively.

Quigley rolled his eyes. "Yeah, uh huh. And they listen to like, Lady Gaga together or something, right?"

"As a matter of fact, we listen to Kelly Clarkson together," said Justin flatly.

"Oh, I love her!" said Ivy, perking up.

"Who's Kelly Clarkson again?" asked Quigley, who was visibly annoyed at being left out of the conversation for even one second. Ivy whipped out her phone and went to google images.

"THIS is Kelly Clarkson."

Quigley scoffed. "You mean the thing that ATE Kelly Clarkson?" Suddenly, Justin launched at him with full force and started pulling his hair and scratching his face.

"Justin, NO!" cried Violet, trying to pry him away from Quigley. She eventually succeeded and dragged Justin, who was still snarling, away from him.

"You're insane!" yelled Quigley, quickly getting to his feet and backing away.

"No," said Justin through gritted teeth, "I'm a real fan." He did a backflip and stuck up his middle finger.

"Everyone STOP!" cried Ivy. "Haven't any of you studied the works of Mark Twain? 'Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.'"

Justin groaned. "You sound like bookfuckerrrrr"

"Ivy, I don't read books," Quigley scoffed, "I skate fast, eat ass, and am overall a huge baller."

Something then occurred to Violet. "Quigley, where did you say your siblings live?" He shrugged.

"I think Portland. Why?"

Stunned silence. "Quigley, did it not occur to you," began Violet angrily, "that we are in Oregon right now?"

"Oh yeah. Funny how that works."

After Violet and Ivy held Justin back from Quigley again, the group started to hitchhike. It took a long time, but they finally arrived at Hector and the Quagmires' house in Portland, Oregon. They knew it was theirs, of course, because of the gigantic mobile home perched in the driveway.

Violet rang the doorbell. "God, my family," groaned Quigley. "What a bunch of dweebs."

Hector answered the door and let out a gasp of surprise. "Violet?! Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau?! Some redhead girl?! Some..." He looked Quigley up and down. "...guy?"