A Clusterfuck of Things Going Wrong 2

Chapter 12

"You!" shouted Sarah Palin. "I can't believe you found our top secret hideout!"

"Wh... I don't..." Justin looked to the others in disbelief. "Was it supposed to be hard?"

"This is honestly the easiest adventure we've ever been on," said Klaus. "And we lived through The Bad Beginning."

"Ugh, that left handed shit?" Quigley rolled his eyes. Violet patted herself on the back.

"If you really think a gang of dumb fat uglies like you are gonna take down THE Esme Squalor," yelled Esme, "then YOU have another thing comi-"

"Why are you tallkiinnngggg!" Justin groaned. "All of your sentences are the same, you're always like 'oooooo la de da I'm the sixth best advising fashion planner of the week or whatever the fuck! I'm a dumb bitch who got to be a villain by sucking off a failed actor and abandoning my husband and now I'm hiding in the basement of a casino with an attention seeking thot who breaks the hearts of children, her amputee brother, and three kidnapped orphans! FUCK, dude! SHIT!"

Esme stared at him for a very long time. "Uhh... you tryna fuck?"

"Oh that is it," yelled Violet, brandishing a baseball bat. "Either you give me back my siblings and adopted daughter or I'm gonna bash your heads into a fucking pulp."

"Yeah, Sunny, Beatrice, and I wanna go home!" shouted Klaus.

"Beatrice?" asked Violet, puzzled.

"I mean Barla."

There was an awkward silence.

"And hi, sweetie cakes," he said, winking at Ivy. She blushed and waved.

"We don't even have a plan," admitted Fiona from the bean bag chair in the corner, "we've all been snorting coke."

Klaus, Sunny, and Barla nodded. "Dude, their coke parties are so funny," giggled Klaus.

"What exactly was the point in all of this?" asked Ivy.

Justin shrugged. "I dunno. I already called 911."

"You what?!" panicked Fernald.

"Uh, yeah. You're holding three kidnapped minors in here. Bye," he said curtly, picking up Barla and starting towards the door with Sunny and Klaus.

"Wait!" shouted Violet. He turned around to look at her. "Could we beat them with baseball bats just for fun, and then say we acted in self defense?"

Justin put down Barla. "Fuck it."