Bad Baby

20

The police had told me not to worry about a thing, and that they'd bring Miles down to the police station. He'd be charged, and so would Noah.

I felt so relieved and free, as well as able to move on now. Talking to Becky at Uni on Monday definitely hadn't been easy, though.

She had had no idea about this side of Miles, and was devastated. Instead of showing her devastation, she concentrated on apologising to me.

"He seriously deserves time for that, I can't believe he'd be stupid enough to get into something like that," Becky had her arm hooked in mine as we slowly walked towards the main doors of Uni, making our way towards the Busy Bean for lunch.

I just gave her a small smile, not knowing what to reply to that.

"I'm seriously so sorry, Isis," she frowned, "him and I weren't really that close of a couple, but I still should have somehow known".

"Hey, it's fine. There's no changing the past," I gave her a gentle nudge, leaning my head against her shoulder for a moment, "I'm just glad that I can move on now, without having to hide shit".

"I can't believe you didn't tell me earlier, though," she shook her head with a gentle smile, "I totally would have helped you out".

I just shrugged, knowing I had been too afraid that history would repeat itself, and I'd lose my friends all over again.

We walked down the sidewalk towards Busy Bean, chatting about more lighthearted subjects.

I hadn't talked to Jacob since he left my apartment after I'd called the police. Also, after he'd basically rejected me when I was hinting sex.

Of course I respected that he was a virgin, and most definitely wouldn't be pushing him to do something he didn't want to. Yet on the other hand, I had seen the internal fights he was having in his head, through his eyes, so I was sure there was a reason - other than myself - because of which he hadn't been up for it.

I just felt bad if I had somehow made him feel uncomfortable about whatever the reason was that he had declined. I wanted him to know it was okay if he didn't want to have sex, even though my craving for him had only grown since he'd touched me.

We arrived at the Busy Bean, where Bunny, Sean, Jacob and Jess were. I was a little confused to see Jacob and Jess chatting next to each other, but shrugged it off as I sat down on the other side of him on the couch.

"Hey," I spoke, clearing my throat a little after he hadn't even seemed to notice me arriving. While Becky sat down next to Bunny and Sean on the couch opposite us, Jacob glanced towards me with a tightlipped smile, "hi, Isis".

It actually stung a little bit when he simply turned back to continue whatever conversation he was having with his ex.

I caught Becky's and Bunny's eyes on me, as they both gave me an extremely confused look. I just shrugged, taking out my phone to occupy myself.

I tried not to let the hurt of his sort-of second rejection get to me, as I read a new message I had received just a few minutes ago.

From: Victor: hii girl i ordered pizza!! if you don't have classes after lunch, do you wanna come hang out at mine?

Skipping one lecture of Experimental Psychology couldn't hurt a soul, I suppose.

Jacob

"Do you like my new shirt?" She was pushing her chest out for me, batting her lashes in the process.

I gave her a small smile, feeling horrible for how I'd just basically made Isis think I'd chosen Jess over her.

"It's nice, sure," I shrugged, personally not really the greenish-yellow colour of it.

I wanted so much to turn around and stop Isis, when I felt her shift a little on my other side as she got up.

I wasn't enough for her. She was more experienced than I was, even if she was two years younger.

A breath of disappointment in myself left my lips once I'd heard the cafe door open and close. My eyes involuntarily met Becky's and Bunny's confused glares coming from the opposite couch, only making me feel worse.

"Are you free tonight, pumpkin?" I felt extremely weird with her hand suddenly sliding onto my thigh, forcing my attention to return back to her.

I wasn't a fucking large orange vegetable that you scoop out and put on display on Halloween to entertain people.

I awkwardly managed to push Jess' hand off my thigh, not meeting her prodding eyes. "No, sorry," I mumbled, no longer feeling like I had to talk to her.

I didn't even know why the fuck I had thought it was a good idea to talk to her, knowing that Isis would be arriving and seeing it. I had no idea how normal and happy relationships worked, which put even more stress and pressure on me since I was bound to fuck up like this at some point.

Usually, my thoughts remained concentrated on Isis – especially if I was with her. But I had no idea how sex would be like if I wasn't on ADHD medication. I was so fucking troubled by the thought of me losing interest or focus if her and I'd have sex, that she would feel rejected or offended. But here my dumb-ass was, rejecting her to somehow make myself feel less confused and scared about those things.

With Isis, I never felt irritated if she touched me. Jess, on the other hand, had made my skin feel annoyed when she touched me. My doctor said it being something about being hypersensitive to sensory stimulation, or some shit like that.

When Isis didn't come to Psych class, I felt like such a fucking idiot. I was too nervous about embarrassing myself and fucking up during sex, because I had trouble focusing on one task too long. Then again, she was so enticing and always managed to keep my focus on her, that I wasn't sure about how it'd go.

(A/N: idk if this chapter makes sense... long story short, jacob feels insecure and scared about having sex w isis, cos he feels like he won't be good enough for her cos of his short focus)