Yours Truly

December 2, 1995

Dear Mr. Wizard,

Everything's cool with me and Uncle now. 

Except the fact that I'm grounded for making lightening smash through the ceiling. And breaking the floor. And smashing the wall with my face. 

So yeah. Maybe I'm passively aggressively writing about how I'm slightly ticked off with you. 

Maybe.

But the good news is that Uncle knows about everything. 

If that really counts as good news at all. 

Uncle just keeps on ranting on and on about how it all makes sense to him. Why you were following me and all of the other gritty stuff with the strange feels on my neck.

He is on edge though. 

Way to go Wiz! Not only did you make me grounded and halt my allowance cash flow, but you also gave me freakish man powers that Uncle refuses to accept. 

Imagine this, Wiz: 

I'm sitting at the kitchen table eating my Batman Choco-chip Puffs Dark Knight Supreme Cereal, when Uncle walks in. 

He's angry. (You'll have to imagine dramatic fiddle music because I obviously can't do the sound effects in my letters). 

I ask what's wrong. 

He says nothing. 

I ask again.

(Now envision Uncle having a high squeaky voice because he's angry). He says, "Billy!" He takes a breathe in to calm down. "Billy. You've explained this to me before, but I just don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Your abilities. It just doesn't make sense. Why would anyone give powers to you?"

I was hurt, but not surprised. I mean, I told you the same thing and did you listen Mr. Wizard Man? No, you did not.

"At least I have powers now!" I tried to sound excited! "I can finally be all cool and be with the League!"

"No."

"What?"

"I said no. Absolutely not, Billy."

"Why not?"

"Because what they do is dangerous and you're only 11 years old. I don't want you to get killed or hurt or hurt somebody else."

"But-"

"But nothing, Billy! This is not up for discussion. These are the rules. The first is that you cannot transform into that high and mighty guy again. No using your powers. Two, you are to stay away from the League. You are not to tell them about you. You are a secret-"

"But-"

"No buts! Billy, I can keep you safe here. Not out there. Now go to your room."

And that was the end of that Mr. Wizard.

You suck.

You are a terrible piece of sucky trash. 

You made Uncle paranoid and unforgiving. 

Signed with pure rage and fire and laser vision that I guess is in invisible because I can't use it!

Billy.