Because I'm a Girl

Chapter 25

I was putting my books away in my locker when I felt someone take my hand. Whirling around, my eyes flew wide when I saw Josh standing in front of me, his eyes gentle. He was blushing and my heart skipped a beat when he squeezed my hand.

My eyes glanced around the hallway, noticing there were a few people around. Anyone could see us, but Josh still held my hand. He still stared at me, his eyes expressing his feelings. Knowing he had once been afraid to show me he cared in public, my heart lightened, but I let go of his hand.

Ignoring the look of hurt that spread across his face, I said, "I'm not mad. But... I want you to show me the issues boys face before... anything happens between us. I need to understand why you ignored me before I risk getting hurt again."

Josh looked pained and I looked down, feeling guilty. I knew Josh never wanted to hurt me, but he had and I couldn't forget it. I had tried to forget it in the past and I ended up hurt again, so I decided to be cautious before I let Josh and I further whatever we had going on between us.

"Okay," Josh said. "I'll try to show you, but... it's hard."

"Why?"

"Well, the issues guys face are... things we consider the norm," Josh answered. "They've been instilled in us for years and you wouldn't think they're issues. That's the problem."

Staring at Josh, I wondered what he meant. A frown appeared on my face as I wondered what we seemed to have normalized with guys.

"Let's walk around," Josh said, smiling at the sight of my frown. "It's easier to explain with examples."

"Okay," I said.

Josh began to walk and I shut my locker quickly and followed him. At his side, we walked through the hallways that were nearly empty. School had ended half an hour ago, which meant most of the students had left already.

When we turned into a new hallway, Josh nodded towards John, one of the outcasts in our grade. He didn't have friends and there was a rumour that he spent lunch crying in the washroom. He was bullied for it, which made my heart sink when I watched him wipe his eyes.

"John is bullied because he cries," Josh said quietly, looking away solemnly as we passed John. "Guys aren't allowed to be emotional. They're seen as weak if they are and that's why John gets bullied. People think he's an easy target because he expresses his emotions."

My eyes widened at his words and I glanced at John. He was sulking, looking defeated and my heart sunk. I knew John wore his heart on his sleeve and I grew nauseous when I realized it was because he was a boy that he was bullied for it. No one would care if a girl was emotional and spent her lunch crying in the washroom, but because John was a boy he was seen as weak for it.

I didn't know what to say, so Josh and I walked in silence for a bit. My mind was full of questions and comments, but I decided to keep them to myself. For now, I wanted Josh to show me the issues guys face.

We entered a new hallway and once again, Josh nodded towards a boy. His name was Allen and my eyes softened at the sight of the short boy with rosy cheeks. He was a sweet guy, but he also didn't have friends. Like John, he was an outcast.

"Allen is an outcast because he likes to bake," Josh mumbled. "He has a girlfriend, but there's a rumour that he's gay because he's too 'girly'."

Instead of feeling sad like I did for John, anger flooded into me. My eyes hardened at the thought of my peers outcasting someone because of their hobbies. It was stupid and I wondered how close-minded someone could be to assume the sexuality of someone based on their hobbies.

"There's more guys like John and Allen," Josh said, once we were far away from Allen. "A lot of guys are outcasted because they don't represent the ideal image of masculinity. Society thinks guys who are emotional and 'girly' don't belong."

I stopped walking, annoyed with the idea of that. Guys should be allowed to express their emotions. They should be allowed to have hobbies girls tended to enjoy. Frustrated, I found myself blowing up.

"That's so stupid!" I exclaimed. "Why in the world do guys have to be emotionless? What's wrong with having hobbies that girls tend to have?"

"It's what society is used to," Josh said, sighing. "Guys have to be a certain way to be considered masculine. If they don't behave that way, they're outcasted."

"That's so... unfair."

Josh's eyes softened and he nodded, agreeing with what I said. My heart stirred as I realized Josh was right about guys having issues. They were issues we overlooked because we were taught them for so long, but they were wrong.

"It's the little things we don't notice," Josh said. "No one questions why guys can't be emotional. Everyone jokes about guys being gay because they like things that are considered feminine. It's the world we live in and it's... unfair. Like I've been telling you from the start, the world is an unfair place."

My eyes softened and I nodded, understanding what he meant. All my life I thought girls only faced issues. I thought boys had it easy, but Josh taught me that boys had issues, too. They were things we looked passed because they were normalized, and that was wrong. Sighing lightly, I realized I had been close-minded and thought guys had it easy.

"Wow, I never thought about the issues guys face before and I'm realizing guys have it tough, too," I said. "That's horrible that guys have to be a certain way or be outcasted."

Josh nodded and my eyes softened again. He looked solemn and I realized how upset he was about John and Allen. I had never seen Josh care about anyone - especially strangers, which made my heart warm.

"Keep showing me the issues guys face," I said. "I want to learn more and... we should try to help whoever's facing hardships because of their gender. I don't know how we'll help, but we'll do something."

"I will," Josh said, smiling. "And yes, we will try to help everyone."

Smiling, I nodded and grew excited. Although I hated the idea of guys facing issues, I was confident that somehow, I'd help them, too.