Because I'm a Girl

Chapter 30

My mom, dad, Aiden and I were sitting around the dinner table. We were quietly eating the lasagna my mom made. My eyes glanced around the table and my stomach twisted because I was preparing myself to ask them to come to my club's last event.

"My club has one more event," I blurted out, knowing it was now or never.

"What's your event about, sweetheart?" my dad asked.

"We're going to have an event that's like TED Talks. We'll have speakers go on stage and talk about the issues they faced regarding gender. And through this, we're hoping people will learn not to treat someone differently based on their gender."

"Sounds great."

I smiled at my dad, thankful he was being supportive. But looking at my mom, I saw that she was wearing a confused expression. She was staring at me, her eyebrows furrowed, and I took a deep breath in.

"I want all of you to come," I said, my eyes lingering on my mom. "I'm going to speak on stage and... it would mean a lot if you came."

"What are you going to talk about?" my mom asked.

"The... sexism I face at home." I looked down. "Like how you expect me to do all the housework and won't let me go out 'too much'."

"Sarah! Don't talk about family life in public!" she exclaimed.

I looked back up and saw her fuming. Her eyes were hard and I gulped.

"I'm not going to make you look like a bad person," I said. "I'm just going to explain the sexism I face and why it's wrong. That way, people won't do what you do."

"What do you mean do what I do?" she asked.

"You know what you do." I sighed. "I don't want to argue anymore, mom. Come to my event and you'll understand."

"No. I won't come to your event."

My mom looked away, her chin lifted up defiantly. Groaning, I wondered why I ever thought she would agree to come.

"Please mom," I said. "It would mean a lot if you did."

"No," she said. "I won't and neither will your dad or Aiden."

I glanced at my dad and Aiden and noticed they were eating quietly. They looked uncomfortable and I grew hurt. No one seemed to care about how I felt and I hated how everyone was okay with the way my mom treated me. Because it didn't affect them, they chose to avert their eyes and pretend nothing was happening.

"Okay, I understand that none of you care about me," I said, getting up. "I'm going out. I don't care if I'm not allowed to."

I walked off and my mom shouted after me, trying to get me to stay home. But, I left the house. Because I didn't want to be around any of them, I left and went to Josh's house.

*****

Josh and I were sitting on swings. We were swinging in peace, our eyes on the scenery around us. Tons of children were around, laughing and playing, and I sighed lightly. I missed the day where gender didn't have such a huge impact on my life.

"Inviting my mom was a horrible idea," I said softly. "I... I should've known she would react like that. She gets upset whenever I talk about sexism, so why in the world did I think she'd come to our last event."

"I'm sorry I told you to invite her," Josh said gently.

"No, it's not your fault." I smiled at him sadly. "Deep down, I wanted her to come. I wanted her to finally understand, but that's obviously never going to happen."

I sighed heavily and pushed myself forward on the swing. The breeze was welcoming and I closed my eyes momentarily, feeling exhausted.

"Maybe your speech won't make a difference in your life, but you'll make a difference in others," Josh said. "That's worth it."

I smiled at him. "That's true. Thank you."

Josh smiled back and I grew happier. Whenever I was with Josh, all of my problems seemed to vanish. His presence was enough to ease me.

"I'm really happy you'll be on stage, too," I said, grinning. "Together we'll make a difference."

"Wait," Josh said, frowning. "I never said I'll be speaking on stage."

"What?" I froze. "I... I thought you said you would?"

"I told you I would think about it and I did. I'm not comfortable speaking in front of everyone, especially about my personal issues. So, I'm not going to be one of the speakers."

I stared at Josh for a moment, stunned. For some reason, I assumed Josh would agree. For me, I thought he'd be willing to help make a difference.

"But.. I need you on stage," I said. "You have such a huge influence on our peers. And from what I know, there's no other guy speaker. I... I need you to be one of the speakers."

Josh looked away, seeming uneasy. My eyes remained on him as I prayed he'd change his mind.

"I can't, Sarah," Josh said. "I'm not a speaker. I hate talking about my feelings. I'll be a mess on stage."

"You would help so much people," I said. "People need to hear what you've been through."

"I can't."

"Please do this for me," I begged. "If you really cared about me, you would do this."

Josh whipped his head to look at me and I froze when I saw the look of fury written across his face. His eyes were hard and he scowled, looking angrier than I had ever seen him.

"You can't force me to do anything," Josh snapped. "Telling me to do this to show you I care about you is a low blow. You say you're so understanding, but you don't seem to understand me."

I was speechless as I stared at Josh. I hadn't expected his outburst and ashamed, I looked away. But still, I couldn't let it go.

"It would mean a lot if you spoke," I said quietly. "Fine, don't do this for me. Do this for everyone else. You'll-"

"Just stop, Sarah," Josh said. "Drop it."

Josh looked away and his body was tense. We sat in silence for a few minutes and I waited for him to look back at me. I waited for him to say something, but he never did. My heart grew heavy and eventually, I got up. As I realized no one cared enough about me to help, I stormed off.

Josh never followed me and I should have expected it, but it hurt. It left my heart weighing me down and I then realized I only had myself at the end of the day. My family didn't care about me, Josh didn't care about me, which meant I only myself to rely on. From that, I decided to forget about everyone and focus on making my last event the best event ever.