Because I'm a Girl

Chapter 31

I stood backstage with my hands clasped together as my heart pounded against my chest. From where I stood, I could see Aria talking about catcalling onstage. She was confident, proud, and I smiled at the sight. When she glanced at me, my smile grew.

My eyes wandered off to the audience. The rows of seats in the theatre room were surprisingly packed. I hadn't expected so many people to come to our event, but my members had done a good job on getting our classmates to come. And not only did our classmates come, but their families did as well. My heart tugged at the thought, knowing my family hadn't.

Turning around, I saw the rest of my members talking to each other backstage. Half of them had already given speeches and it was almost my turn. I was after the next person, who no one told me the name of. Will had told me it was one of his friends, which left me wondering who exactly it was.

As I stared at my members, I took in once again that Josh wasn't there. We hadn't talked since our argument and deep down, I regretted pressuring him to do a speech. I knew it was wrong. I knew I should apologize. But, I had been scared to. After what I did, I wasn't sure if Josh would still want to be with me.

"I'm a person," Aria said, finishing off her speech. "Not something to be owned. Thank you."

The crowd applauded and Aria bowed. She then brought the mic back towards her, ready to announce who would speak next. I grew curious to finally know who the mysterious speaker was.

"The next speaker is Josh," Aria announced, making me feel as if the wind had been knocked out of me. "He will be talking about what it takes to be a man in today's society and why this idea needs to be tossed in the trash."

Aria grinned at the crowd as they chuckled and then smiled at me as she walked backstage. But, I didn't react. Because I was so stunned, I stood where I was with my eyes wide.

On the other side of the stage, I saw Josh walk out from backstage and towards the mic. His eyes were on me and I stared at him, my heart pounding at the sight of him. Never in a million years did I expect him to be one of the speakers. And never in a million years did I think Josh wasn't mad at me.

Josh turned to face the mic and my eyes softened when I noticed how tense he was. His body was rigid and his hands were shaking as he grabbed the mic. I knew this was a lot of him and I wished I could do something to help.

"Hi," Josh said. "I'm here to talk about what's expected out of boys to be seen as a man and why... it's wrong."

Josh began to pace around the stage, clearly nervous. My eyes followed him and I smiled when he glanced at me. He smiled back and I sighed lightly, thankful he didn't hate me when he should.

"I was that kid who wore his heart on his sleeve. I was that kid who cried when animals died and got thrilled whenever anything good happened to me," Josh said. "But, people didn't like that. They told me I wasn't acting like a boy. They told me boys weren't supposed to wear their hearts on their sleeves.

"And, I would ask why. Their responses always was because wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you weak. And men aren't weak, they're strong." Josh paused and took a deep breath in. "So, I taught myself to be expressionless. I didn't cry anymore, I didn't laugh at everything. Instead, I chose to be expressionless because apparently, that's what makes me a man."

Josh stopped pacing and he walked up to the microphone stand. He set the mic back on it and suddenly, he seemed more confident. As his eyes scanned the crowd, he seemed okay and I smiled at the sight. I was proud of him.

"But, I met my girlfriend who taught me that hiding your emotions doesn't make you strong. In fact, expressing your emotions is what makes you strong," Josh said, leaving me grinning. "To give people the ability to hurt you takes courage. It takes strength, so why do we think hiding your emotions makes you stronger? We are cowering in fear of being hurt and that's weak. Hiding is not what someone would consider manly, so why is it better to hide your emotions if that means taking the easy way out?