3 years ago...
On the surface, I was treated.. differently..a stranger to affection and compassion. I didn't even know how to hug someone without being awkward.. I never experienced friendship, bonding, or emotional mushy things. I wouldn't consider this a good beginning, it's nothing special.. I'm not even special.
I don't know what it was that made everything hate my very existence, and to this day I don't know. I didn't show that I was weak, or that I was strong. Showing anything got you in trouble.. well that's how it was in my household.. it was probably because of them that I hate humanity itself so much.My parents.. I wouldn't even call them that, the people who owned me.. did horrible things to me..they really didn't care. At the time I thought being beaten and tormented was a natural thing for a child to go through since I had no experience with a "normal family."My "mother", Diane, was the one I was always scared of, despite my "dad's", ricks, harsh strength. She was a mental mind tormentor. She played mind games, brain washed people.. for a living.. a true phsycho. She always came home with an crazed smile on her face, and would always come to me.. to practice her new ideas or techniques on me.
I never felt love from her, I never got love from her. I was the adult, with a shattered mind set. I even took care of my own parents.. They were almost always drunk, I never really knew what they were like.. but being responsible, I help ease their pain giving them something to soothe their hangover, or their vomiting. They never really cared for my "compassion", when they were all better they went right back and got drunk again. sometimes I would wonder why they even kept me around in the first place if they couldn't keep themselves together.. because let's face it.. they were both whores..I did however managed to have one thing normal for me, I went to school. Infact: I was bullied. I loved it too.
It made me feel normal, being teased and beat up for being different; I liked it being shoved in my face that I could never be accepted. Maybe it had to do with my Dianes brain washing that I was worthless.. or that I could never mean or amount to anything; or ricks brutal beatings leaving permanent scars while he screamed at my worthless existence; either way, coming to school meant I had a purpose for someone: a punching bag.There was never room for emotion or empathy. If you were to cry, you'd be beaten or tortured; if you were to show affection you'd be laughed at; if you gave something to someone they were expected to give something back: good or bad. This twisted system was how I thought it was for everyone, but when I took a step back I knew something was wrong. I'd see girls at school socializing with one another, being nice for no reason. Perhaps they were in debt with one another? I wasn't sure.. but they always expressed an emotion that made me suspiciously hungry for it: joy.
Typically no one wanted to be around me, because they were bound to be beat up too. People called me a freak, a creep, or a stalker because I was always watching. What else was there to do? I watched and observed people and how they behaved always comparing it to me or my 'family.' I was bullied most for the color of my eyes.
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Behind What Was Seen (Undertale Fanfiction)
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