Save Me

Home is far away

I find myself walking down the street on a Saturday night, the lighting is very scarce and I can't see much. I swear that someone is following me but I just keep walking. I have a long way to go, my home is far away, I was hoping to find a taxi but there is none and it seems that it is going to rain.

Today was a very bad day, in fact all my days are bad. When I walk back to home I feel my shoulders very heavy, as if I had a big burden. I have to deal with this, I do not know how to solve it I have no idea.

All I want is to rest, get home, rest deeply and forget this burden, but sleeping is not enough. Every night I wish I did not wake up but that never happens.

Everything is the same, I'm still alone, the only people that existed in my life took care of making me suffer a lot.

All my life I wanted to make my dreams come true but I couldn't never, I always try to meet the standards of society, so that they accept me and do not get away from me as they do, but nevertheless, I can never reach them because they are so high, so high like a mountain, it is higher than my outstretched arms can reach. I know I can never get to the top of the mountain, I know I can never rest from this life full of complexes, standards, and stereotypes, or at least not while I'm still alive.

All my life I have taken pills but now there are no pills that can make my dissatisfaction sleep, so I bite my tongue to concentrate my pain elsewhere and I stay awake all night.

Throughout life I have learned to be strong, stay strong and never show feelings. I have never had a relationship, human relationships are very complex, they are a paradox, there is no place for someone like me, nobody would understand me.

My dreams are not ordinary, all my life I was afraid that they would become ordinary, but now I just want them to be normal, like those of other people without demanding more than I can give.

I'm standing in the rain, without an umbrella, with nothing to cover me. Thinking of my pain, and I say to myself, if you do not grow, if you do not overcome, you will live your life in pain, just that, a growing pain.

Since I started my journey to my home, I feel that someone is following me. As I move forward, my fear increases, so I start to run. I keep running but when I realize, my legs and my heart have forgotten the reason and i understand that what is following me is not a person, it is my dream now it has only become a burden, leaving it behind and running is my only hope. It's always like this, "just one more step" I insist to myself but when I look up I'm in front of a cliff, when I look back all expectations are behind me, pretending to help me but just push me more, I'm falling and the cruel world extends his hand to me, I do not want to hold it but I am even more afraid of having empty hands.

I wish I could stop the time but it keeps moving even when i think i catch it. There is no place for me in this big world, I feel alone even in a room full of people. Once I had a dream, a purpose of life, something more than just making money but now it does not exist anymore.

Is there really no place for me in a taxi?

"My home is far away, there is no empty taxi and it is raining."

Short chapters