Save Me

Rain

It seems that it will never stop raining, before the rainy days were my favorites but now the weather seems to be an insignificant thing in my life.

Today I decided to leave my house again, sometimes I spend days without leaving my house but I have to go out again for medication because they are the only thing that makes me sleep

The rain stopped for a moment and I stop to look at my reflection in a puddle, the background is gray, i asked myself when it will stop being like that Why am I standing here? I think I got distracted from my main objective.
I have many thoughts but sometimes I do not have any.

He resumed my path and everything turns gray again, I turn around, everything is like that. I live in a gray city with gray buildings, gray streets, gray people and a gray rain.

I think that today I am more miserable than before, every day I am more miserable than the previous one, i asked myself if that could change, if I will ever be able to live normally. For a person who has always lived like me, it's hard to think about that.

The rain starts to fall again, I do not have an umbrella with me and that's fine for me, I do not mind getting wet, that makes me feel a little alive, although at this point it is impossible to feel alive. This makes me question that all humans die but not all humans live. I have forgotten what it is like to feel alive, I have not even known if I have ever felt it.

The heavy drops hit the streets, hit the windows and hit my heart.

I enter the place where I receive the medications, monthly sessions, empty talks. Whether they help or not, I have not bothered to find out I just want the sleeping pills. Everyone there knows what I have or at least think they know, he always says that word and knows how bad I am but his treatments do not interest me, my life stopped being my life a while ago.

Back to the rainy streets, I see a couple eating in a restaurant, I have no one to meet, I have never had friends or a couple. I guess I'm not like rain, I do not frame my existence in anyone.

I watch the rain vanish when it reaches the ground, like me, I watch the drops fall like the tears of my heart, without stopping, my heart cries as I try to find meaning in life. I asked myself who will be falling, we all fell for someone, I fell for everyone.

In this city the rain is unstoppable as I once was, but the difference is that the rain is alive and I never was.

At last I came to my house, I could say that it is the place where I feel most safe, although I do not really feel safe anywhere.

I try to sleep since there is nothing else to do, but I can not get to sleep, I never do it without the help of the pills, I take one and I passed it with water. Before they take effect I find myself standing in front of the mirror looking at my reflection, there is a self looking at myself, an empty self, sadder every time. My image fades little by little while I start to sleep, I look out the window in my last seconds awake, the rain has stopped but the sky is still dark and although it changes color for me it will always remain gray.

"This rain is never going to stop and even then ended outside, in my heart it never will."