Save Me

Trauma

I have a trauma, I'm stuck in it and I can not forget it, it has me living life in a very painful way. I'm on the balcony of my room at 2 in the morning watching the dark night, the street is empty, everyone is asleep. I watch a boy walk through the middle of the street his face is not visible, he has a black cap, a black mask and clothes are black too, it must be his favorite color.

I want to sleep but I'm not sleepy. I think about my life, I do not have friends, I live in a box and I only go out for sleeping pills but I do not know what to do, I do not know what to do to leave this, to leave this hole. I don't want to stay alone forever. The hardest thing of all is to be good with myself, I do not give importance to my health, I do not give importance to myself. What is the purpose of my life? As I grow this hole becomes bigger I do not even know where it ends, I need a hand to hold me but nobody extends it to me.

I'm going to sleep, I'll take two pills so I will not wake up soon and I'll fall asleep.

I wake up at 5 in the afternoon, I sleep 15 hours, whenever I take two pills I sleep 15 hours and when I take 1 I sleep 9, I know it is not healthy to sleep so much but it makes it easier to endure the day because I am asleep, and not I care nothing for my health if I die is better for me anyway. I think about the boy from yesterday, he was very suspicious, but hey if I'm not interested in my life much less the life of someone else. My doctor always tells me that if I want to live longer I have to change the way I live, but I'm not interested in living longer, I'm just interested in dying, just that I'm too much of a coward to kill myself, so I live from this way to die of some disease.

Every day there are many situations that make me realize how bad my lifestyle is, I do not want to be ignored, but I act as if I wanted to, I want to be loved and have friends of that I have no doubt but even if someone tried to become I would totally ignore it because I'm afraid to have a relationship so I used to lie to myself about what I did not want one, but now I did not even bother to lie to myself so I just accept it and, I want to have a relationship, Someone listen to me and love me.

"But I have a trauma that makes everything more difficult"