Sorry I haven't updated in forever! I didn't know what to write 😪
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[four]
Matt wasn't there at school the next day. I don't know what is wrong, he seemed fine yesterday. I try calling his phone, it rings seven times before I am sent to voicemail. I walk over to Alexa, who is over by her locker. "Do you know where Matt is?" I ask her.
"Why would you ask me? Aren't you his girlfriend?" she answers annoyed.
"Yeah. Anyway, he asked me to prom, and I'm assuming you were asked. Do you want to go buy dresses after school?"
Alexa opens her mouth to speak, but the bell rings. "I've got to get to class." she says, running down the hall.
"You can't even give me an answer?" I say, but she doesn't hear. I push my hair back and let out a deep breath. The only person not embarrassed to be seen with me anymore is Matt, and he's not even here. What if that's why he didn't come? He didn't want to be seen with me? How did I mess up so badly? A few weeks ago, anyone would be honored to be seen with me. And now, I either don't exist to you or you hate me. What a life. I let out one last deep breath before walking back to class. I sit in my seat which is towards the back of the room. I try listening to the teacher but the words are jumbled up and I can't focus. I lay my head against my desk and listen to the muffled sounds of talking.
"You're late." the teacher says, and I lift my head to see who it is. Matt, looking very tired and unhappy. He sits down at his desk, far away from mine. He lays his head down on his desk, and I assume he's falling asleep. I lay my head back on mine, and slowly doze off.
That sleep didn't last long. The bell rang, and since it was the last class of the school day, everyone was rushing to leave. Matt had already left the room, I rush outside, wanting to talk to him. I go to his locker and run around the school, but I can't find him. I call him, and like earlier, it rings, and then I am sent to voicemail. I sigh and go to my locker, and unlock it. Someone walks past me and whispers Bitch, and I am unable to figure out who it is because there are too many people in the hall. I turn towards my locker and when I open it, a small folded piece of paper floats down. I catch it before it falls and on one side it reads,
To Eden
and on the other it says,
From Matt
I put the paper in my pocket and swing my backpack over my shoulder. I walk down the hall and leave the school, pushing my way through all of the students. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I walk along the school and turn the corner, near a few bushes and a bench. I lean against the walk and pull the paper out of my pocket and unfold it. Matt had written a letter in black ink messily.
Eden -
I'm sorry if I worried you earlier today. I relapsed last night and I didn't mean to. I guess I had just felt so triggered and I couldn't help myself. There's so much hatred and sadness and I'm trying to get better for you but you have no idea how hard it is. Depression is a game, you don't win, though, you just get better at it. But it's not always you get better at getting rid of it, you get better at hiding it. I stayed up late last night because of the voices in my head, and I was much too tired to wake up earlier, that's why I didn't answer your call. I'm done with everyone's shit. I'm done with anxiety and depression and insomnia and suicide as everything wrong with me. I'm done with being sad and unhappy. I'm sorry but I'm done. And if I don't wake up tomorrow, or any other day, just know the last person I thought about was you.
-Matthew
Holy shit. He's not going to... is he? Oh my god.
I call his phone repeatedly, but he doesn't respond. I run as fast as possible over to his house, and run up the steps and ring the doorbell.
"Hello Eden!" his mother answers.
"Is Matt here?" I ask nervously.
"N-no... I thought he might be with you." she says, and my heart starts beating rapidly.
