Years Without You - Cashton

August 2014

August 5, 2014

Dear journal,

Luke's getting better.

Besides the fact he he took up smoking.

So, over all he's not really better.

Luke smokes, and is still slightly abusive to us.

I thought I was taking Ashton dying bad, but Luke's just suffering day after day.

August isn't starting out good.

-Calum

August 12, 2014

Dear journal,

Luke's been so obscure and secluded that Mikey and I have spent the last week trying to get to him with no luck. He just ignores us and it's been so occupying I almost forgot about Ashton.

I yelled for him to come help us with Luke.

Michael looked so heartbroken when I yelled, his eyes were wet with tears.

The realization has really hit me now.

Ashton is completely dead, rotting a few feet under the ground.

He's not coming back.

-Calum

August 16, 2014

Dear journal,

It's not getting better.

Not Luke, not Michael, not me.

We're not okay.

-Calum

August 27, 2014

Dear journal,

We got to Luke.

He says he's going to try to stop with his 'behavior'.

It's been going pretty well. We all tried to make dinner and only burnt the garlic bread a little bit. Then we just ate and talked like a group therapy thing that cried a bit too much and was a little too angsty.

We talked about the band and what we going to do without Ashton. None of us want to continue, but Adam and our other managers want us to at least try.

The main topic was really if we were all emotionally stable (it was really just all about Luke).

Luke is going to see a therapist a couple times a week until he feels okay.

Michael just acted like an overprotective parent and coddled Luke. I think he likes Luke, but just doesn't want to make a move.

It wouldn't be like this if Ashton was here.

-Calum

August 31, 2014

Dear journal,

It's been better. Well, Luke is anyways.

I'm not.

I miss Ash.

I miss his bubbly personality, his crazy hair that always smelled so good, his laugh, his lips, I just miss him.

Michael decides to make me go to the therapist too, and it's horrible.

I don't know what Luke likes about it, all the old man does is say it'll get better if I just 'open up 'and 'let my true emotions free'. I think he's just a nut with a PHD.

-Calum

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