Love me, Love my horse

Chapter Nine

     When the morning light filtered through the window and the rays touched Tabatha's skin she woke and looked at the clock on her bed side and groaned. She got up and walked to the shower and turned on the hot water letting the shower warm up before adding the cold water and after she stepped in she sighed. Replaying last evenings events in her mind like a movie she groaned again.  Had he actually told her that he loved her? She must have dreamt the whole thing she decided.  Washing her hair and conditioning her long locks she proceeded to wash the rest of her body while deciding what she was going to with the rest of her day.

     Getting out of the shower she got into her joddies and her t-shirt and her long boots and headed through the other door in her bathroom door since she was fortunate to have two doors to her bathroom. She headed to the kitchen and started making coffee and decided on what to make for breakfast when a throat was cleared behind her. She jumped while she held on her carton of milk and dropped it. Watching it fall she yelped when the container of milk exploded all over the floor and splashed her. " So much for staying clean." She muttered under her breath. Heading towards the counter she got some paper towels to clean up the milk all over the floor when she noticed the arm that had caught her attention. " Clive! you're still here!" She was actually stunned. She actually convinced that what had happened last night was a dream.

     "Tabatha, I watched you get up walk to the shower and close the door and then walk to the kitchen where I heard you start the coffee grinder to make coffee. Did you actually forget that I was in your bed?" Clive looked into her eyes waiting for an honest answer. She looked up at him, then continued to mop up the milk from the floor and after making her way to the sink for the fourth time, she sighed deeply. " Clive, I thought you had left during the night or earlier and I didn't honestly look in my bed when I got up because I thought I was honestly alone." He sighed and looked at her and frowned. " I don't know who's done this to you in the past but trust me when I tell a woman that I love her I mean it with every fibre of my body and soul. Walking out on you would not even have crossed my mind after the wonderful night that we shared.' Clive finished his little rant and watched as Tabatha's face went from embarrassment to anger and then something flashed in her eyes before she clamped it down but Clive had seen it briefly, understanding then softness.

     The coffe was done brewing and she turned to the fridge and took out another carton of milk and took out two mugs of coffee and took the sugar bowl  and the milk and put it on the counter and brought out some spoons and poured the strong black coffee in both cups and watched as Clive fixed his coffee just like she did which is one sugar and one milk. She took a sip from her cup watching him from the rim of her cup not willing to break the silence and watching his features while making up her mind.  Clive was drinking his coffee waiting for her to make her move and even though it was eating him alive he needed to hear her voice even if it was to say something as lame as do you eat breakfast. He just was dying to know what she was thinking and her face gave nothing away as she was watching him watching her.

      Putting down the coffee cup she was holding with both her hands she sighed heavily. " I know that what is the past shouldn't impact what is happening now and I should leave the past in the past but for you to tell me you love me is utterly insane.  How could you love this?' Pointing at her body which she was thoroughly disgusted with, then moving to her head which she pointed severely too. She didn't like herself very well and expected people to treat her the same way that she treated herself because she utterly despised herself but most of the time she kept it under wraps, her emotions flying out all and unable to put a lid on them frightened her but at the same time she was secretly hopping that she would scare him away to prove a point to herself. She watched as his face went from a serene look to surprise and then anger.

     He walked up to her and with a swif movement grabbed her by the hand and dragged her to the bathroom mirror and then unsatisfied with that one found the full length mirror that was in her bedroom and took off the sari that was drapped over it because it finally made sense to him why it was there in the first place. He thought it had been put there until she was going to put it away but not for a cover so she wouldn't have to look at herself. He dragged her in front of him and pointed at her body. " This" he pointed to her face, "is the source of who you are, you smile, you light up a room, your face expresses your deepest desires and your hate is there too but you mask it so well that you had me almost fooled as well. Getting dressed last night in that beautiful dress showed me how sexy you really are, you hide under those baggy clothes because you know that horses are accepting creatures like all animals and they don't care what you look like because they assess your heart and soul before deciding if you are worthy of their affections".

      "You hide from people because you don't have to socialize, talk or deal with your own inadequacies. You do not see yourself quite clearly or honestly."  She gasped because she couldn't listen anymore she just started to shut down and the walls were up in full force now and made sure that what else came out of his mouth wouldn't affect her as much as what he'd already said. She couldn't handle the hurt that those words brought to her heart and she knew that even though Clive spoke the truth she still couldn't see what he saw there that made him love her the way he claimed he did.

     " You work in a job that doesn't require you to interact with real people but behind a headset so that you don't have to talk to people face to face every day."  She huffed at that but again he had spoke the truth. " You prefer horses to people because you know that they communicate everything to their surroundings via non verbal communication."

     She was getting quite angry as he still spoke from over her shoulders, " I know that you want to shine and the few times that you have let your guard down you shine brighter than the sun, you enjoy life and life smiles back at you. You are in those precious few minutes the most beautiful woman in the world. That is what I am attracted to, I am attracted to the woman that loves to flirt and to show the world that she is more than what she appears. When you laugh its real, when you smile you light up not only the room that you are in but the lives of those who see that smile and they know without a doubt that your smile is genuine and meant for them."  He pushed her hair out of her eyes when he saw a single tear glide down her cheek his heart sank and he turned her to face him but she wouldn't look at him. He tilted her head to look into her eyes and she just closed them.  He knew that if he continued to push he would loose and that was never his intentions.

     Suddenly, without any warning she snapped her eyes opened and turned her eyes to the mirror and point blankly walked it and smashed it in a million peaces and then told him " Clive, get the fuck out of my house. Get in your car and leave my property now." He just silently did as she asked and got his jacket and his tie and walked out of her house and her life.

     Tabatha just huffed, walked into the kitchen and got the broom and the dustpan and cleaned up the mess and then proceeded to her bed and stripped it and shoved all the sheets in the washer trying to wash away all traces of last night. She then grabbed her dress and hung it back in the bag it came in and dirty or not shoved it at the very back of her closet, proceeded to the bathroom and took another shower and changed into another pair of joddies and shirt and got ready to fo and see Morgan where she could filter everything that he said to her and figure out the aftermath of last night and this mornings drama. She was still fuming when she jumped into her car and found her music CD that she loved listening to when she was absolutely pissed. She felt better when the familiar beat of the music and shifted her car into gear heading out of the driveway to see Morgan.