Rhinestone Eyes [2doc]

[epilogue]

for reference, 2D has worn a bracelet in two pictures. one is at the top, which is the one i'm referring to.

'On my way to the club
I fell down a hole
All the people there
Said have you come alone
And I, I just want to be, darling with you
The music's made that way
My eyes aren't blue
There's nothing I can do

So I stayed in the club
Just rewarding myself
Happiness could turn into something else
And I just wanna be, darling with you
The music's made that way
My eyes aren't blue, there's nothing I can do'

tw: mentions of rape and abuse - this may seem like i'm excusing rape, but i'm not. this is just how the book is going to go.

oOo

One week after 2D's death, there was a funeral which Murdoc was supposed to speak at. It was small, attendees being collaborators from previous albums, Damon and Jamie, Russel, Noodle and Murdoc. He was supposed to give a speech, something he didn't want to do. He'd not seen 2D since that day in the hospital, and his grief was physical. He was constantly in pain, he didn't want to eat, he slept all the time and was generally moody, saying that he was going to die because his heart felt like it had been split in two then crushed. He didn't really want to be alive.

Noodle persuaded him to leave his room and buy something that was somewhat formal, then they drove to the cemetery where the funeral would take place. Murdoc physically couldn't handle being there, so Russel had to stop the car so Noodle could ride in the backseat and comfort him. By the time the car was parked, Murdoc was hysterical and wouldn't listen to anyone. That is, until he was given something that he thought had been gone for years.

Murdoc wiped his eyes. "Where did you... where did you get that?" he asked. "He had me hold onto it but I didn't know why until now. Here, take it. You need it more than I do," Noodle said and Murdoc nodded, taking the bracelet and slipping it over his wrist. This had calmed the distraught man enough for him to get out of the car and walk to the area where the funeral would take place.

The casket was open, despite every single person knowing how seeing 2D made Murdoc felt. And just seeing him dead made Murdoc want to run away from everyone. But he kept his composure and sat in an empty chair. He buried his face in his hands while listening to each conversation held by various guests.

oOo

"It's not worth it, 'D," Murdoc said and 2D glared at him. "She wasn't even a looker. You can do so much better!" he said and 2D raised a brow. "Like who?" he questioned and Murdoc laughed. "I dunno, me? But don't get any ideas. I'd fuck Paula a thousand times before I even thought about going for an idiot like you."

Murdoc knew he'd struck a nerve because 2D furrowed his brows, frowning. "I didn' know I was tha' bad. Maybe Paula was righ' t' cheat on me. I'd better go. I 'ave somewhere t' be." And with that, he left, returning hours later, drunk off his ass and in tears. "Fuckin' idiot. Yer a fuckin' idiot for thinkin' you were ever good enough," he mumbled as he walked through the carpark and towards his bedroom, then fell asleep, still in tears.

oOo

The memory made Murdoc want to scream. He knew he shouldn't have said it, but he was being stupid and had no idea how much it had actually hurt 2D. He felt like he was remembering bad memories because he was a horrible person. And he truly was. He'd let 2D walk away from him on the night they broke up, all because of a simple homophobic comment. He later experienced secondhand homophobia and realized that it really had hurt.

Then he'd kidnapped 2D just so he could sing, and because his feelings were insane and he was constantly depressed, he used 2D in ways the bluenette shouldn't have been used. And he hated himself every single day because of it. He made a stupid mistake and had never really apologized for it. Now he couldn't and it broke him even more.