Never the Same

Fourty-two

I get out of the shower, washing away my thoughts from last night, and decide to go to Starbucks for coffee this morning, it's morning for me but it's three in the afternoon. I let my hair air dry into it's natural curls, I put on my black Ramones sweater, light wash jeans, black beanie, and white vans. I put on mascara, concealer, and eyeliner. "Bye mom," I yelled and grabbed the car keys to leave. I turn on the radio and my jam comes on, Kiss me kiss me by 5sos.

Here's to teenage memories

Can I call wake you up on a Sunday?

Late night I think we need to get away

Headlights hold tight turn the radio loud

Let me know where to go and I'll get you there

Tell the truth and I'll show you how to dare

Flash lights held tight we can own this town

Never say goodbye

So kiss me kiss me kiss me

And tell me that I'll see you again

Cause I don't know if I can let you go

So kiss me kiss me kiss me

I'm dying just to see you again

Let's make tonight the best of our lives

Here's to teenage memories

Here's to teenage memories

Close your eyes you'll be mine and it's alright

Take a breath no rest til the sunrise

Heartbeat so sweet when your lips touch mine

We don't have to go home right now

We're never gonna stop cause we're dreaming out loud

We know what we want, we know we're gonna get it somehow

Never say goodbye

So kiss me kiss me kiss me

And tell me that I'll see you again

Cause I don't know if I can let you go

So kiss me kiss me kiss me

I'm dying just to see you again

Let's make tonight the best of our lives

Here's to teenage memories

Here's to teenage memories

So kiss me kiss me kiss me

And tell me that I'll see you again

Cause I don't know if I can let you go

So kiss me kiss me kiss me

I'm dying just to see you again

Let's make tonight the best of our lives

Here's to teenage memories

Here's to teenage memories

Here's to teenage memories.

I finish singing along and park at Starbucks, I wait in line, scrolling through twitter and tapping my foot impatiently. "Next," the barista says and it's finally my turn.

"Grande Peppermint Mocha please," I say and hand the barista a five dollar bill.

"Aspen?" My head finally shots up from my phone, Connor. Wait, he works at Starbucks?

"Connor? You work at Starbucks?" I tried my best not to laugh. I've hardly seen him since we got out for Christmas break.

"Yeah. Don't ask. I'll have your drink right out. I'm about to go on break then we'll talk." I nod and wait for my drink. When I get it I sit down and grab my journal. I start to write: What's love? Hell if I know, we throw the word around so carelessly we forgot what it meant. Nobody will ever know the real meaning of it though. We love someone, they love us back, seems simple right? But then other people get into the relationship, that's where the love counts. Through all the heartbreak and pain this person causes you, emotionally and physically, it's almost never enough. We won't get some amazing love story like The Notebook, but I consider mine way more interesting then that. I give myself to Ryder emotionally, physically, and mentally. He's taken over my life, my heart, my world. I know when I end up reading this in ten years I'll laugh, stupid teenage Aspen. Every teenager feels this way. We crave this unknowable thing called love, and anything that's even a tad bit of love we take it. I love Ryder Johnson and I'm telling him today.