Manhunt (Sequel to Bechloe - Chicago was a mistake)

Chapter 2 - Music

Beca's POV

Emily wasn't the only one I had to focus on, I had a new album coming out soon. She was busy so I hadn't bothered telling her and Chloe didn't really seem to care anymore so I didn't tell her, I just left my advertising team to do their job. What Emily didn't know was I was supposed to release the album the same day as her show and have the party that evening. As a solution I simply told Theo and the rest of my team I wouldn't be going to the party. He was disappointed, yes, but he understood why. What nobody knew was that I actually had two albums almost ready to be released but one would never see the light of day. One contained songs from earlier in Chloe and I's relationship and party tracks while the other belonged to the darker side of my mind. I was releasing the first mentioned.

The day before the show Chloe told me she was going out with the Bellas the next night. I was surprised that they weren't going to Em's show but I didn't mention it or question it. She couldn't know that I was going because I didn't want Em to get in between us. I wouldn't put her in the middle. I wanted to end the conversation there but that wasn't exactly an option.
"You know you could come."
"I don't want to upset anybody."
"Well you'd see there's nothing wrong if you just got help." Both of our voices were calm at first but when she mentioned me getting help, yet again there was an edge to it. I don't know what emotion was in her voice but there was something and I didn't like it.
"Chlo, we've been over this. I'm not going to get help." When I said those words I could practically see the fire light behind her eyes.
"Well why the hell not?"
"This again." I tried to stay calm.
"Yes this again. Just because you didn't have a good counsellor in the past doesn't mean this one will be the same."
"That's not the only reason." I stared at the floor when I uttered those words because I didn't want to know what she'd do to me.
"Then what is it?" I could hear her clenching her teeth.
"I don't deserve it."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means I don't want to waste anyone's time Chlo. It means there are people out there who seriously need help and I don't want to take that away from them."
"Beca, you deserve help too." Her voice was soft now.
"No I don't."
"Beca I'm sorry I didn't know but you do."
"It's okay, I didn't want you to know. I just, I can't go."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know if there's really something wrong with me." Chloe looked at me with utter disbelief.
"Beca for flips sake do I need to remind you of like everything?"
"That's normal."
"It's not," she turned away from me and looked guilty. "Becs you're not supposed to want to die."
"How did you?" I let my voice drop off, she was never supposed to know.
"I found your book." I turned from her and started to walk away. "Beca don't walk away from me. Talk to me, please."
"You weren't supposed to read it."
"I was worried about you, I still am."
"You weren't supposed to read it." I stopped walking and just waited for her. She soon put a hand on my shoulder and spun me round.
"Beca I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry. I didn't read all of it I swear. Just please tell me what's going on."
"You weren't supposed to read it." After I uttered those words I finally looked up at her, searching her eyes to convince me not to do what I was going to do.
"Beca I love you. I love you and I'm worried about you that's why I read it please just say something else." I had to do it. I couldn't do this to her anymore. I had to turn away from her to do it though.
"But what if I don't love you?"
"What?"
"What if I don't love you back?" It only took a second for to process what I said for her to start crying.
"But you said you did."
"I did but I don't anymore."
"Beca I tried to make this work I swear I did so what is it? Why don't you love me anymore."
"I just don't." My heart was crushed as I walked out the door and away from her but I had to do it. I had to leave her crying on the floor. I had to hurt her one last time so I wouldn't get the chance to do it again. I had to leave the girl I loved so she could be happy. I had to leave her because I didn't deserve her.

When I walked out my place the photographer was there again. I'd seen them every now and then but I'd never seen any of the pictures they'd taken online or in magazines. At that point I didn't really care. I was numb I walked over to my car to just get out of there and realised I didn't have my keys, I had to go back in.