After Gus...

Chapter 1

I thought it ended with Gus. I thought the whole world would just collapse on its self. I knew it wouldn't. I knew the earth would just keep spinning on its axis. And it did. Spinning and spinning. The whole world spinning.

Gus might have been on a roller coaster that only goes up. But for the roller coaster is going down. Fast and hard.

I though I would never be happy again. Smile again. Laugh again. Kiss again. Love again. I wasn't actually being dramatic considering I would die soon. But I was wrong. I wasn't completely wrong though.

It actually started when he came.

It was exactly like most days. Read Gus' letter. Cried about Gus. Ate the nutritious compound that is Pringles. I went to my classes. Mom went to her classes. We came home. Didn't go to support group we decided (as in my parents and doctor) that support group would make me even more depressed than I already was. I got my mom to take a study break and watch 'America's Next Top Model'. Studied for a test. Thought about Gus. Cried.

Then we had dinner. I didn't eating though. Just moving my food around with my fork. My parents discussed world events. I didn't really listening to them, but the hum of the conversation. Their voices in harmony. It was so constant and peaceful. Like a normal family dinner. Then the harmony stopped. Then something changed.

"Hazel? Hazel?" Then dad put is hand to his mouth like he was holding something there. And with a voice that was probably supposed to be a radio voice, but I think was a perfect interpretation of Darth Vader's, he said, "Hello? Anyone there? Earth to hazel!"

I don't why I did it. Or what caused me to do it. Maybe I just had too many emotion going through my brain. Maybe I had a mental breakdown. Maybe the cancer had moved to my brain. Maybe it was that time of the month. Maybe I just went crazy. But I snapped. And I don't me snapped like a twig someone stepped on. I mean snapped like a ancient oak tree snapped in half during a tornado.

"What! What could you possibly want from me? What else do want from me? My soul? OKAY! But I must warn it's been crushed to pieces. What? Do I need to bless this dinner with my lovely input? Sorry I'm kinda busy mourning my only piece of happiness' death! And thinking about my same fate." I felt terrible saying it as soon as I said it. But the look my parents made managed to make me feel even worse.

"Oh... No sorry I didn't mea-."

Mom recovered fast "No it's fine we know how hard his death has been on you, w-"

"That doesn't mean I get to be a colossal jerk to my parents."

And even though five seconds prior I had just had a massive tantrum, my mom replies, "Hazel, we are proud of how mature you are." Not that I could be anything else.

Another side effect of cancer is becoming mature fast. Some people might say being more mature is a upside. I'd argue that growing up way too fast isn't a upside but a downside.

"Thanks," I gave a smile. I think my mom could tell it was half-hearted. "So what did you want?"

Dad got the memo that he could talk again. "I was just saying that somebody is moving in next door."

"What happened to Mrs. Arnold?"

Mrs. Arnold was our next door neighbor. She was very much like me accept really old. She had lung cancer from years of smoking, barely left her house. I'd like to say I went over there every once in a while to check on her and we bonded and she became my mentor and I her caretaker. But the truth, I only met her once and that was when she moved in next door.

Apparently her husband was a millionaire the problem was she wasn't and then he died. She was okay for a while but then the money started running out so she had to move in next door.

Well I was thirteen right before I found out I had cancer. And my parents being the friendly people they are made cookies and had all of us go over there to welcome Mrs. Arnold to our lovely neighborhood. Where she told us about how awful her life has gotten and how awful her lungs are. At that time she had stage 2 cancer. As the years past it got worst.

"Oh, she—uh died," mom mumbled. I didn't ask how. I knew how. The cancer. Her lungs sucked at being lungs. So they stopped. Just like mine soon will.

"Well we were thinking about welcoming them to the neighborhood tomorrow, what do you think?" I didn't know why my mom was actually asking me. It's not like before I had a choice.

"Okay."

Nothing important happened after that. I went to bed. Thinking that tomorrow would be like any other day. I had no idea how wrong I was.