Twisted

wicked wednesday

I dont know where to begin. I hate myself. Im afraid to love you because im afraid youll love someone else. No one gets it, not even my bestfriends. Said they'd be there till the end and they leave by evening. Im a weakling. Im a dehydrated leaf in a desert deserted. For all those times i hurt you, you never deserved it. Its my own mind working in its own time. The wind doesnt blow the way I'd like and i want to die. Its the middle of the week, tired of trying. Tired of acting fake and denying the fact that i should get help for my mental health. She told me that I really can't. I cant do anything even though i adore her. i go through the pain. i'd sit out in the rain for her. most days just end up feeling like torture - torture tuesday, which is what i experienced yesterday only today marks the highlight of my pain, i mean, day. i mean, i dont know what words to say. i dont know what to do. most days i feel as if i have nothing to lose. i try to face what i desire without setting my heart on fire. i try to smile and walk the extra mile for someone until i get shot with the gun of reality. the sun never shines on me. im left in the dark with my shadow speaking to me. what do i believe? my shadow reminds me its wicked wednesday and i respond "ya think?" if there's a god, then why am i on the brink of death? i'll never get what i have to say off my chest. after all the days passed and the ones that follow.. its an endless cycle, at the end im left hollow like a tree with a mysterious dark hole that wild animals inhabit. im nothing in the end but a piece of dark matter. stars shatter and collide while i hold these thoughts inside. you'll never make the matters right. tomorrow i hope to see the light.