Carlisle's Diary

Soul Searching and Finding (Esme's POV)

Dear Diary:                                                                        July 16, 2013

          I am sitting on a log in Alaska right now, breathing the fresh air and enjoying the absolutely gorgeous view. My trip here took me through breathtaking places, emotional rides, and some serious soul searching. I know that Carlisle and the family have already figured out that I left and Rogue had her instructions on what to tell them. I have so much to tell you about my trip and I do have photos here and in the album that explain in more visual detail everything I saw; well everything we saw since Rogue shadowed me for about 98% of the time. Amy took the other 2%.

          When Carlisle left for work that day at 6 a.m., everything was already ready for my departure. My thoughts were masked; not like anyone in the family would really even notice me gone at that hour, or at any hour for that matter. The Watchers would also vanish to make sure that they couldn't be found until the needed time. So as soon as I kissed Carlisle goodbye and saw him leave in his car for the hospital, I slowly closed the door. I walked back upstairs to our master bedroom and its closet. I put on my favorite soft sweater, skinny jeans, most comfortable boots to run in, and a suede jacket. I brushed my hair, applied a bit of lip gloss. I looked presentable and ready for my cross country journey.

          I made sure to leave all of my stuff including cellphone, keys, purse, and everything in it on the table by the door where they can easily find them when the search began. To tell you the truth, I didn't think anyone would notice my absence until it was time to head to bed, so to speak. I gave them 24 hours to figure out something was wrong or off. When I was entering Alaska and stopped to look at a polar bear and Rogue told me that Amy had come to replace her, as she had to go back to our house because, as she said it: "The shit was about to hit the fan," I was surprised that only 13 hours passed since I left for them to notice something.

          But that part of the story you already know. This is my story; the story of my soul searching & finding experience. The expedition into who am I really?

        As I left New Hampshire and headed west, I ran through what seemed like hundreds of miles of forest. All kinds of forests too: some were still dark from the night, others were starting to see dawn and then there were the waterfalls. I even jumped over one with a rainbow. I actually jumped through the rainbow; the joy was indescribable! I can't explain to you what that felt like. For a brief moment I felt like a Watcher; I felt like I were flying.

          Then there was the incident with the hay bales; I still giggle at the thought. That actually happened before the rainbow-jumping. I was running through open fields in Kansas and those large things were just lying there. So I thought, Wouldn't it be fun to kick one across the field? So I did. Then another one came along and I whirled around and did a cool karate kick and chucked that one . . . except I failed to notice that Rogue—who was always flying above and a little behind me, though totally invisible—had become slightly visible and I, by total accident, chucked the second one at her. It totally missed her head by about five inches. She dodged out of the way and shook her head at me.

"You know, I'd like to keep my head attached to my shoulders. That would be highly preferable," she said, shaking her head. I looked horrified and then I just couldn't stop laughing and I actually fell down and kept laughing. She laughed with me.

          When my fit of giggles had passed—and it took a while—I got back up and, after getting my bearings, continued on my way. My next obstacle was the Mississippi River. I was trying to figure out whether I wanted to swim it or jump over it. So I decided to swim it, because cold or hot didn't do anything to me, and by the time I started running again, with how fast I could run, my clothes would dry in no time. So I dove right in. As I swam, at a speed slightly faster than that of a human, I started to figure out what was missing in my life.