Carlisle's Diary

Pre-Wedding Day Jitters (Emily's POV)

Dear Diary: November 11, 2013

I'm getting married! Finally! It's seems like forever since Sam proposed and we have been putting this wedding together. We've taken our time because so much was going on. First everyone had to deal with the battle for Renesmee's life when she was first born and the Volturi had come. I was very scared that I would lose Sam, Leah, and all the others as well. Once they left, we still had to contend with the wolves phasing. It wasn't until the Cullen family left that the wolves stopped phasing. But even that was a gradual process because the wolves still could phase if they really wanted to.

To tell you the truth, I didn't really want the Cullen's to leave. We had started to get along really well. Imagine wolves and vampires actually getting along! Who would have thought? And I didn't blame the Cullen's for their existence like Leah did at first. I mean if it wasn't for them, Sam and I would never have found each other. I know that sounds bad considering how much he hurt Leah, but I have to stop blaming myself for that. It wasn't my fault and certainly not Sam's for the fact that he imprinted on me. And if we really think about it, it wasn't the Cullen's fault either. They didn't know that their very existence would make this whole imprinting thing happen.

I'm done with blaming and pointing fingers. My only wish is for Sam to do the same. He has finally made peace with the Cullen clan and with Jacob. But he still hasn't forgiven himself for hurting me that time years ago when he couldn't yet control himself and scarred my face for life. I forgave him almost immediately but that's something I have prayed every night for him to work on. I really hope he makes peace with it before the wedding in a week or so.

Meanwhile, I've become such a klutz, you wouldn't believe! These pre-wedding day jitters must be really coming on because I'm dropping everything. The other day when my mom and aunts were here including Sue, I was showing them the wedding cake topper which isn't heavy by any means and while I was explaining, it flew out of my hands hit my knee and then a cushion before rolling to the floor! Everyone laughed. I've dropped bottles, cups, even broke a plate which sent Sam running into the room to see if I was alright. I just shook my head at myself and sighed. Maybe after the wedding I'll stop shaking like a flipping leaf!

In other news, I've asked Leah to be my maid of honor. Yeah I know how it looks but I didn't do it to rub her nose into the fact that Sam is with me instead of her or to cause her anymore issues. I wanted her because of our relationship. We were incredibly close at one point in our lives and though that's not the case now, I don't want us to be far apart forever. Especially now that she has Keith; who by the way neither Sam nor I have met yet because we were away visiting my parents in Makah when Leah and Keith came along with Seth and Corin to respectively introduce their imprints to their families and friends. So the first time I will be meeting both Keith and Corin for the first time will be at my wedding. We have invited Jacob and Nessie as well as the rest of the Cullen clan and Charlie of course will be there as Sue's date. Those two have gotten pretty close themselves. I will not be at all surprised if they get engaged soon too.

I really hope that Leah and I can finally put our differences behind us. I know she herself is engaged to Keith now though she's not ready for a wedding until next year. She hasn't asked me to be her maid of honor and I'm not really surprised. I hope to at least be invited. Otherwise, that would really hurt. As maid of honor, she's arriving here earlier than the rest of the guests. What really surprised me was that she asked Bella to come with her. I didn't know they were that close. I mean I know how much ill will Leah had toward Bella but perhaps being in such close proximity with her all the time in New Hampshire, she finally stopped hating the Cullen's. I guess we'll find everything out at the wedding.

We're not doing anything super special for the wedding. I mean the groomsmen and Sam are just going to wear regular suits. I didn't want to go that far out because we're very simple people really. My theme or whatever you call it is "marshy/mossy". The bridesmaids will wear simple green dresses and my dress was made by my mother who owns a dress store back in Makah. I've always wanted her to make my dress; ever since I was a little girl. I've already tried it on several times to make sure the fit was perfect. I don't mean to brag but it fits me like a glove. The only things we are really buying for me is the veil and the shoes. I wanted to wear white flats; after all I'm not a heels person. Never was.

As I write this, I'm sitting on my porch. Sam is at work and it's almost Twilight. I can't believe Sam and I will be husband and wife in a week! I will officially be Mrs. Uley! I can't even wrap my mind around how much happiness and peace envelopes my body when I think those thoughts. I have very few times to myself because my house is like a turnstile for the pack. There's always someone in my house eating! It's quieted down since the wolves aren't phasing though I know they will during the wedding because the Cullen's are coming. But we asked the Cullen's to come the day before so the pack can get in control of their phasing before the wedding; they agreed without hesitation. No one needs wolves phasing right in their suits. Besides, not everyone on the reservation knows about the supernatural world so that kind of exposure will not be needed.

I just pray that everything will go off without a hitch. My mother calls me a worry wart and tells me to stop and go for a walk when I throw myself into a tizzy with the 'what ifs'. I don't blame her. She and my other aunts are for the most part putting this wedding together. The only time they come to me is for the final decisions or any changes. I knew I could count on them because there was no way I could ever plan this thing myself regardless of how simple it is. I'm just not a wedding planner. And I didn't want to ask Alice because she's a little too over the top for me. I've actually been to a few of the Cullen parties planned by Alice not too long before they left for NH and let me you, I thought if she could have brought an actual mountain to one of them from somewhere she would have. It was too grand and too much. And that's neither Sam nor I.

I just heard the car door slam; Sam is home! Oops and I just dropped both the notebook and the pen I was holding! I told you I was a total klutz! Ok got to go and see the love of my life and feed him some dinner, he must be starving! Thanks for listening!

Sincerely yours,
Emily

~Carlisle Cullen