Carlisle's Diary

New World Scary Existence ~ The Storyteller in Me

Dear Diary: April 24, 2013

"After I awoke to that horrifying realization, I didn't know what to do with myself. It was night again so I figured it was safe to move. I climbed out of the sewer and walked down the alley. I didn't see any bodies or blood. I didn't know how much time had passed. It felt like years but I couldn't tell. I knew I had to get out of London. I started running quickly realizing how much speed and strength I had. I ran for what seemed like a great distance. I ended up in the English country side in the middle of nowhere.

I was mortified about what I had become and couldn't stand to live. I couldn't be around humans and I was disgusted by the very notion of what I had to eat to survive. It wasn't an option. It was never an option! I was not going to kill an innocent just to satiate my crazy hunger. I ran and ran and ran some more. I finally came upon a body of water. Considering England was an island, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that sooner or later I'd reach water. I stood at the edge of a great cliff. I knew that if the fall didn't kill me, which was high enough to feel like you were hitting concrete instead of water, then I would surely drown. Somehow I was glad for my impending demise. I could never be normal again, I didn't deserve to live!

With that last thought, I leapt into the air and off the cliff, I didn't bother closing my eyes.....amazingly even falling from such a great height, my eyes didn't blur and everything I saw was absolutely clear. Then I hit the water. It didn't feel like I was hitting anything hard, in fact in a way I felt like I was bruising the water with my presence. My body was hard as a rock and the water was so soft in comparison. It just cushioned me, even as I went some 13 feet under water. I then bobbed to the surface like a cork. I was surprised and very angry....I then submerged myself in the water intent on drowning myself but when that didn't work, I came back up. I was so furious at the world, at the fates, I screamed with everything I had in me!

WHY???? WHY AM I ALIVE??? PLEASE LET ME DIE!!! I'M AN ABORASION! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

Present Day

I hadn't realized I was speaking at the top of my voice until a small cough that brought me back to the present. My whole family was now in the study with Esme, Nessie, Jacob, and myself. They looked at me with wide eyes. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, then opened them, shook my head to clear it, and looked sheepishly at my family:

"Oh boy. I'm sorry if I scared anyone. I didn't realize how loudly I must have been speaking. I also didn't realize how passionate I still was about the past."

I then looked at Nessie:

"I'm sorry Nessie. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sure this was much more then you bargained for when you asked me to tell you the story."

Nessie who had been sitting with Jacob's arms protectively around her said:

"Um...no.....grampa Carlisle.....I wasn't scared.....I was just very surprised.....I mean I knew there were a lot of scary parts to your story but you've always been the quiet one in the family."

Everyone else in the room laughed and I along with them. That's me. Mr. Quiet. I guess I changed their prospective today.

"Grampa Carlisle....can you please finish the story?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to bring the whole town running next time I talk too loudly."

Nessie and Esme giggled. I winked at my beautiful wife. By this time the rest of the family had scampered around the room to find a comfortable seat and looked at me with profound interest; even Rosalie. Now that one was surprising. I mean I knew they all knew my story backwards, forwards, inside, and out but I guess I had never told them it with such passion and volume. Nessie really did bring out the storyteller in me. I smiled, sat down again and thought for a long moment.....then started where I left off....without the screaming.