Carlisle's Diary

It's All My Fault (Nessie's POV)

Dear Diary:                                        November 16, 2014

            Oh dear lord, what have I done? I stood in the middle of my grandparents' living room with tears running down my face as I blurted out the words that have plagued me all night. It was as if a veil was finally lifted and I was in control of my thoughts again. My family was frozen as statues as I didn't know whom to turn to or where to go.

"You're pregnant?? How is that possible??" My dad finally roared.

"I am. I'm so sorry." I kept crying.

"JACOB!!! I'm going to kill you!!!" My dad ran out of the house and into Jacob who was standing by the house breathing hard.

"No dad don't! Please! Stop! You don't understand!" I yelled racing after my father as the rest of the family followed suit.

"Oh I don't understand? I think I understand perfectly!" My dad yelled as my mom came sliding in beside him.

"Jacob what were you thinking? She's not even 18 yet and you aren't married! How could you let it get so out of control?"

"Bella listen to me...she—"

        Jacob didn't even get past that word when dad rushed him and threw him across the yard. But amazingly Jacob didn't back off, he was so enraged to not get his say in, that he cold clocked my dad in the jaw with enough strength to send him sliding back to where mom and I were standing. Everyone froze in that moment because we all realized that Jacob did that without phasing. He was able to control the wolf inside of him and yet let out his anger. No one's ever seen him do that before. Then he started yelling:

"You think I wanted this?? You think I planned it? You think your daughter is so perfect? Well she's not! This....is a two way thing. I love Renesmee with all of my heart and soul and I would do anything for her; she's my imprint!" As he said those words, my heart turned to stone; he never used my full name; always said it was too much of a mouthful.

"Don't use my daughter to take the blame—"My dad gritted through his teeth but this time Jacob cut him off with more venom then we've ever heard from him.

"Oh for once in your self-righteous life, would you shut your trap, Edward?!"

        There was a beat of silence as Jacob started pacing and explaining; but he wouldn't look at me. Not once did he look at me. I knew what he was going to say and he was right. I just stood there sobbing with tears sliding down my face as all of my secrets were going to be exposed now. And it was all my fault.

"She lied to me! My imprint lied to me! You know I can't deny her anything so when we found we couldn't control ourselves no matter how hard we tried physically, I told her that we could try but on one condition. I would use protection and she would get herself on that birth control pill. She promised me, Bella! She promised high and low that she would...except she never did! On top of that, I found that the last condom we used had a small puncture hole in it. I had to get my hands dirty and look through the trash and guess what I found? All of them had the same puncture holes in them! Now my bet isn't on any manufacturing snafu!" Jacob finished as he gulped down his own tears.

            Everyone was standing frozen in place as they took in the soul shattering news that Jake had just delivered; that I had sabotaged everything. I couldn't look at my family; I was too ashamed because I didn't know why I had done it. I certainly didn't want a baby at this age. But why had I done it? That's when my mom came up to me and lifted my chin with her finger looking at me with a poker face.

"Renesmee? Is this true?" I nodded slowly.

"But why?" Grandpa Carlisle was the next to speak.

"I don't know! Something inside my head told me to do it. And now with Jake telling everyone, it's like a veil has been lifted and I can think clearly again. It doesn't make any sense, I know but that's how I feel." I cried again.