The Bravesoul of a Savage

12. Back to The Game

Chazaeyah

I can't tell you how long I've been in this apartment. If you asked me I wouldn't be able to tell you what day it is. I refuse to leave my room or even eat.

Some nights Ashanti comes home and has to force me to eat because in her words if I ever try to leave her she dragging my ass back. I don't want to die cause that's a waste of a life.

But to love now that is something not worth doing. I haven't spoken to my best friend and I miss her but she wouldn't know what to say to me if she knew my thoughts.

I hated everything about my life right now. I feel like God just left me to fend for myself amongst the fire. My own mother the woman who pushed me out hoped I was dead.

It's not like I could talk much to anyone because I was ready to destroy everything in my path. I wanted to hurt her and this hurt I was feeling wasn't good for anyone around me. I would only hurt people I care for more.

Maybe I was wrong to just disappear but I can't do this shit right now. Fuck how they feel I need to fix myself so I can treat them the right way. I didn't want to become my mom.

Sitting in my bed every night I fought suicidal thoughts I fought thoughts of killing my mom honestly. But the one thing I couldn't fight was the need to get back to my hustle.

I'm not gonna stay sorry for myself I'mma grind and get mine. I want to do right by me. It's time to bring Savage back and get my shit done.

Only person who knew how I moved outside of school or fun was my Twin Ashanti and after everything that's just happened I needed a new start.

I went back to what I knew. Pushing weight, making deals and building up money. I used to swear I gave up on the game but in reality once your in you can never just leave. The streets will always find you.

I got up and put out a nice classy outfit. It was time to meet my old friend Snipes and anyone who knew him knew never play with his time or money. You could say I was one of his favorites along with some nigga known as Yung. 

He was excited learning I had decided to return. I had been out the game for almost 2 years after my uncle talked me out of it. But now I'm back and I'm hear for good.

Snipes met me at my lowest and he helped me get on my feet and showed me the ropes. He wanted me out the game because of my age and also because he saw me doing more. So him and my uncle pushed me to leave. I loved the fact he was always there for me.

We had a relationship where it looked like we dated but in reality we were just close. And none of his hoes, any male or female could step to me crazy.  He shut everything down in seconds.

Call me crazy but I was never scared to fight and go to the streets. I only got scared that they would find my family. That's what first pulled me out of the game. An innocent life, my family, my sister was killed for me being in the game. But as far as I'm concerned my blood family is dead to me now. No mom left to think on and my brother holds his own. Shanti was my right hand in the game she taught me how to kill and I taught her how to do business.

Climbing into the hot steamy shower I kept thinking of this poem I wrote a few months ago while dealing with my feelings. Aside from everything else.