Divided // The Death Cure [Book 3]

FIVE

Day 70

I did the thing I said I wouldn't do. I asked Janson to give me my memories back. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know about my mother. 

I wasn't very different before the Maze. The only thing that really changed is my opinion on Wicked. I wanted to help them so that's why I joined them. My mother was killed by the Flare and I was hell-bent on avenging her. The only way to do so was by joining Wicked and help them find a cure. 

I don't regret getting my memories back but one thing shocked me. I remember Ava Paige telling me that I had to make sure Thomas would still be on Wicked's side after they'd erase his memories. What they didn't expect is that I would end up hating Wicked as much as he did.

This memory made me doubt myself more than ever before. I keep telling myself that it is real because if my memories were wiped from my mind, I shouldn't be able to remember anything about this stupid task. 

My stomach has grown quite a lot the past few weeks. It's not big yet, but I have a little belly now as opposed to only an almost invisible bump. It has now become impossible to hide my pregnancy. 

We've also been moved to a new facility and this one is inescapable. It has of a big canteen and six rooms where all of us are kept. We're allowed to walk around freely through the halls and the canteen. I share a room with Kasey, Minho, Marissa, Emily, Sonya, and Aris. We bumped into Sonya and Aris on our first night here and they instantly joined our little group of outcasts. 

Every immune can get along with the other immunes but for some reason, we can't. 

***

It was the middle of the night and I woke up with a full bladder. I rushed to the bathroom to empty it. I lay back down in bed and wrapped myself in my blanket. As I rolled over, I felt it. A kick. The baby kicked. 

I sat up, carefully placing a palm on my stomach. I watched in anticipation with wide eyes and when I felt another kick right against my hand, I gasped. 

Tears started to pool my eyes and soon descended my face, seconds later, I was sobbing hysterically. 

"Leah? Leah, what's going on?" I barely heard Minho's voice over the sound of my own sobs. The next moment, my shoulders were grabbed and I was pulled into someone's chest. "Just breathe, you're okay." 

I started shaking my head. "N-No, you don't get it," I breathed, pushing Minho away. "The baby kicked." I smiled through my tears. But my smile quickly faded. "I want Thomas back," I cried, my throat burning from the thick sobs. "I can't do this anymore without him." 

"Hey, look at me," Minho ordered. He tightly gripped my shoulders and I looked up. "You've got us, okay? You don't need Thomas to get through this because you've lived three years without him. You'll make it through, I promise," he told me sternly. 

"But-" 

"No more buts. If Thomas was here, he'd tell you the exact same thing, so would Newt and so would Frypan," he cut me off and I nodded softly, wiping away the hot tears from my face. I ran a tired hand through my hair and took a few calming breaths. 

"I'm okay. Let's go back to sleep," I sighed. 

"Want me to stay with you?" Minho asked and I nodded, scooting closer to the wall in my narrow bed. Minho sat down next to me, sitting against the headboard. I rested my head on his chest and he started playing with my hair, twirling my curls around his fingers. I drifted off to sleep not long after. 

***

I was back in the Scorch, walking beside Newt, Thomas, Frypan, Aris, and Teresa. I was chatting with Newt when my eye fell on something on Thomas's arm. I grabbed his wrist to stop him. I moved the sleeve of his jacket to reveal a scabbed bite mark surrounded by a network of black veins. My eyes moved up to his face to find his eyes bloodshot and his face paler than ever.

I let go of his wrist and backed away. I closed my eyes for a few seconds to calm myself and when I opened them again. I found Newt crouched next to Thomas's body on the ground. I was just in time to see him closing Thomas's eyes. Newt turned around with sad eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Leah. He's gone," he said. 

I didn't hesitate to turn around and start running. My legs were burning but I didn't stop. 

I felt something grab my ankle and the next second, my body met the ground. I turned around and found Thomas crawling toward me, clawing at my legs. Dark blood was oozing from his mouth and eyes and I screamed, kicking at his face. He crawled up to my neck and he tightly clasped his hands around it. 

"This is your reward, traitor," he spat, spraying my face with blood. Black spots started dancing in front of my eyes and I slowly lost my consciousness. 

"Thomas," was my final word before my last breath of air left my body. 

***

Day 120

Maybe Wicked is not so bad after all. I mean, they give me three meals a day, a good bed, running water, special care because of my pregnancy. The only downside is the experiments. The 'dreams' I experience are torturous and I can barely tell what's real and what's not anymore. 

I have to give my blood every single day but I can tell the doctors can't wait until my pregnancy is over so they can use the baby's blood for their mad scientist experiments. I'm so scared for their life. 

I wake up almost every night due to the baby kicking my abdomen. I love feeling them move. It reminds me that there is still good left in this world. I have to keep fighting for them. If I hadn't been pregnant, I don't know if I would've survived this. 

I am slowly losing faith that we'll ever be saved. I can't keep fighting much longer, it's requiring every bit of energy in my body and it is physically hurting me. My back is aching like hell and I have constant pounding headaches.

Am I really writing this? Or is it another dream? Will I see Minho and Kasey dead on my floor or is it Newt and Thomas this time? Maybe my mother will strangle me again or I'll lose my baby once more.