Divided // The Death Cure [Book 3]

TWENTY-NINE

Everyone joined the celebration, ready to forget their sorrows for one night. Minho, Kasey, Thomas and I stayed behind. The sun had set a few hours ago and the cold air of the night sent goosebumps all over my body. Aly was wrapped up in a thick blanket as she was soundly asleep in her father's arms. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. 

"I'll get you a jacket," Kasey said as she got up. 

"Thanks, Kase," I smiled at the young girl before she walked off. She came back minutes later with four coats. She handed a grey one to me, a brown one to Minho, a navy blue one to Thomas and put on a black one herself. She plopped down beside me and nestled her body against mine, letting out a long yawn. 

"This is gonna be a good home for us," Minho stated. 

"It is," I replied, but I felt a pang in my heart as both Minho and Thomas glanced at the empty spot beside them. Newt should've been here. He deserved this more than anyone. He would've been the best uncle Aly could ever wish for. 

I let out a shaky sigh and Kasey wrapped her arms around me. My eye fell on the tall rock that stood just outside the centre of the camp. Several names were already carved into it. I spotted Chuck's name, Winston's, and Alby's, even Ben's and Clint's. Vince just finished carving Mary's name into it and put the knife back into the piece of wood next to it. 

Without hesitation, I got up and walked to the rock. I pulled the knife from the wood and went to work. I carved a vertical line, a diagonal one and another vertical one connected to it. I carved another vertical line next to the N with three little horizontal ones. Next to the N and the E, I carved a W and finally a T. 

I didn't stop the tears running down my face. I didn't stop the quivering of my bottom lip. I didn't stop the sobs leaving my lips and I didn't ignore the numbing pain within. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I knew I didn't have a choice. Newt was gone and he was never coming back. 

I traced my fingers over the letters, feeling the dips of the engraving. I leaned my forehead against the cold stone. "I tried, Newt. I tried so hard. I'm so sorry," I whispered. I sank down to the ground and curled up into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest. My sobs quieted down and left nothing but a gaping void within. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder and didn't have to look up to know how it belonged to. I fell into his chest and he rubbed his hand up and down my back, whispering soothing words in my ear but I could hear the pain in his voice. He didn't tell me that it was okay, he didn't tell me that I was going to be fine and he didn't tell me that I would get over it, and I was thankful for that. I never wanted to get over this. I never wanted to forget about him. I never wanted to not miss him.  

"I wish I could just see him one more time," I whispered softly, my voice barely audible. 

Thomas was silent for a second. "Me too." He sat down across from me and placed his hand on my cheek to wipe away the tears. He placed a loving kiss on my forehead before he placed his hands on the sides of my face. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.

Minho came up to us and squatted down next to us. He placed a hand on my knee and I took it in mine, giving it a tiny squeeze. He held out his other hand to Thomas and I saw he held something in his fist. "You had this on you when you passed out," he said softly. "I figured I'd keep it safe for you." I immediately recognized it. 

It was Newt's necklace. 

"Thank you, Minho," Thomas said quietly. 

He turned the necklace around in his hand and twirled the string around his palm. Minho patted his shoulder. "I'll see you guys out there." 

"See you," Thomas muttered, his eyes never leaving the object in his palm. He traced his thumb over the metal but his eyes narrowed when he saw the top came off. My brows etched together as he pulled out a rolled-up piece of paper. 

He unfolded it but instantly lowered it again as he read the first line. He let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes before he gained the courage to continue reading. I rested my head on his shoulder as I read along. Apart from an occasional sniffle, we were quiet. 

Dear Thomas, 

This is the first letter I can remember writing. Obviously, I don't know if I wrote any before the Maze but even if this is not my first, it's likely to be my last. 

I want you to know that I'm not scared. Well, not of dying, anyway. It's more forgetting. It's losing myself to this virus, that's what scares me. So every night I've been saying their names out loud. Alby, Winston, Chuck. I just repeat them over and over, like a prayer and it all comes flooding back. Just the little things, like the way the sun used to hit the Glade at that perfect moment right before it slipped beneath the walls. And I remember the taste of Frypan's stew, I never thought I'd miss that stuff so much.

And I remember you. I remember the first time you came up in the Box, just a scared little Greenie who couldn't even remember his own name. And from the moment you ran into the Maze I knew I'd follow you anywhere. And I have. We all have.

If I could do it all over again, I would. And I wouldn't change a thing. And what I hope for you, is when you look back years from now, you'll be able to say the same.

The future's in your hands now, Tommy, and I know you'll find a way to do what's right, you always have. 

Take care of everyone for me, especially Leah. Be a good father to your kid. And take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy. 

Thank you for being my friend.

Goodbye, mate.

Newt.

Thomas flipped over the letter and saw another one was added to it. This one had my name on it. Thomas held it out to me but I shook my head. "Can you read it?" I asked softly and Thomas nodded. He shortly cleared his throat before he started reading. 

Dear Leah,

I guess this is goodbye, isn't it? 

I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for always being there to cheer me up or to listen to my worries and fears. Thank you for being my family when I couldn't remember my own.

I miss those days in the Glade when you just returned from your run and we just sat by the pond and talked for hours. I can't remember a single thing that I haven't told you. You knew me better than anyone. 

Thomas is so lucky to have you. You'll be a great mom to your son or daughter. 

Please, don't think that this is your fault. I know you often blame yourself for things that happen to you but this was not your fault. It could never be. In a perfect world, we'd be by each other's side, but I know you'll be just fine without me. 

I need you to do something for me. I need you to be happy. I need you to let me go and move on. I don't want you crying over me for every second of the day. 

Take care, Ley. You too deserve to be happy. 

Newt.

P.s. I told Gally to kick Thomas's ass if he ever hurts you again, so don't worry about that.

I giggled through my tears as Thomas folded up the letter. Even when he wasn't with me anymore, Newt still managed to make me laugh. I took the wristband between my fingers. Thomas tied the two loose strings of the necklace together before placing it around my neck. I smiled softly, taking the metal end in my hand. "Don't worry, Newt. I'll never forget you," I whispered.