I Won't Forgive Myself... (DirkJake Sadstuck)

Chapter 2

You feel like you're asleep, but all around you is dark. You can hear voices in the distant, but can't make out the words. You almost call out to Dirk-he's always there for you if you had a nightmare -but remember the events of last night. He's not there for you, for now. The darkness around you fades into a memory from high school, with Dirk Strider, your current boyfriend.

"Strider! Wait for me!" You shout, trying to catch up with Dirk, who was already sprinting towards the back of the buildings behind school. It was your senior year, and your second year of dating Dirk. Even then you knew you would spend the rest of your life with him.

"You have to catch me first, English!" He shouts back, a wide grin on his face. You speed up your pace, finally catching up with your boyfriend. You throw your arms around him and drop, taking him with you.

"I caught you~" You say, laughing and hugging him. Dirk's face flushes and hugs you back.

"I didn't mean literally, English, jeez." He says, rolling his eyes. You kiss him lightly on the cheek and you see his face flush even more. He turns toward you and smirks.

He pulls you close and kisses you, and it feels almost electric. You've never actually kissed Dirk on the lips before, and this is completely new to you. But you like it. He pulls back and looks at you in the eyes.

"Jake, will you go to prom with me..?"

You fade out of that memory, trying to keep a grasp on every feature of Dirk's face that day. You had gone to prom with him, and Roxy with Jane. You had really enjoyed it, and had wished it wasn't your last year with them. You begin to cry -can you even cry in a dream world?- and sink down to your knees. You just want to leave this dream world, with new memories around every corner.

You've relived your entire high school experience, or at least, the days you knew Dirk. You couldn't change anything, only watch as each day unfolded before you, showing the different mistakes you've made, and the best decisions in your life.

You still hear the voices today -how long has it been since you blacked out?- but this time you can actually tell what they're saying. Someone is crying, but you can't place a name on their voice.

"How long? Until they wake up?" You hear a frail voice ask.

"We don't know. Mr. English is in better shape than Mr. Strider, but they both have slim chances of survival." A masculine voice says. Slim chances of survival. Are you going to die?

"Willitbetoday?" Another voice asks, this one feminine.

"No, Ms. Lalonde. And please, keep alcohol out of the patient's room, please." The man's voice says again.

"SorryIjustwasn'tthinkingasIleftthehousetoday," the voice slurs, and you hear a crash that sounds distant to you. Crash. You were in a car crash. Every single memory of that one day comes back to you. Dirk crying as he poured out every word to you, the deer in the road, the tree, and Dirk lying unconscious. Every memory hurts, and they don't stop coming.

"She's trying to get better." The frail voice says. You think that's Jane, always looking out for Roxy. "Dear, maybe you should go to rehab for a little. It'll help, I promise!" She says. You try to hear more of their conversation, but are quickly whisked away to another dream.

It's the first day of college. You and the others all parted ways on the last day of high school. The only person you knew that was actually going to your college of choice was Roxy. Jane went to train for taking over the Betty Crocker business, and Dirk left for military academy. You took Dirk's choice the hardest, since it would mean you wouldn't be able to see him again.