I Won't Forgive Myself... (DirkJake Sadstuck)

Epilogue

==> Be Dirk Strider

You can be unconscious Dirk Strider, but you can't be conscious. Sorry.

Everything around you is completely black. Memories seem to drift by sometimes, but those are short-lived. You only see glimpses of happier times with Jake. Before he forgot your anniversary. Before he stopped caring.

You've given up on trying to wake up at this point, after realizing that you won't have anyone to wake up to. Roxy and Jane come visit you sometimes, but you've learned to tune them out. They pray for you to recover quickly, even though you have a feeling you won't. Hell, at this point you're ready to say a big "Fuck you" to living. It isn't worth it without Jake by your side.

Jake. God, you miss him. He was not only your husband, but also your best friend. You loved him with every fiber of your being, and you were torn apart when he forgot the most special day of the year. Besides your birthdays, of course.

You don't remember much of the car crash either. You remember arguing with Jake through tears, but then everything went black. No matter how much you try, you can't remember anything past crying, despite Jake's protests. Even if he doesn't love you anymore, you have to admit that you miss him. A lot. Your coma would be a lot more bearable with Jake by your side. Alas, he isn't here anymore, and maybe never will be.

But that won't stop you from dreaming about him. You still remember his bright smile that brought hope into your world, and how he said his heart belonged to you only.

The first memory you can recall was when you and Jake were at prom. He was in a black suit with a green tie, and you were dressed the same except for your orange tie. You thought it was the best night of your life. Until you were married, of course. That night was probably the best of your life, and you'll never forget it.

The memories kept coming after that, ranging from your first kiss with Jake to your last. You remember your first anniversary together, even your first monthiversary. Until one day, the memories just stopped.

It was slow at first. Barely noticeable. But you noticed after a few days. Was it days? You've lost track of time. It was then that it occured to you- you're dying. At first, you panicked. You didn't want to die! But then you remembered how you had nothing to wake up to anyways, and death seemed a lot more welcoming afterwards. You accepted the lack of memories as a welcome to dying, and stopped panicking.

You haven't worried about the decrease of images that play for you anymore. You find them irrelevant. Once your life, but one you don't belong to anymore.

It wasn't until a few weeks later when you started tuning back into the voices that surround you every day. Strictly because you heard Jake. Your husband, Jake English, the one that made you feel unloved on your last day of consciousness, has visited you.

At first, you were shocked.

You couldn't believe that he had actually come. Hell, you couldn't believe he was actually awake. It couldn't be real. It was all a lie. You repeated it to yourself, reminding yourself that you were dying and probably imagining his voice in your time of need. You had already accepted your death, and you wanted him to as well.

You cried for the first time that day. You didn't even know it was possible to cry while you were dreaming, but it is. You didn't want to believe that you were so close to Jake all the time, yet so far away. You heard him sleeping by you sometimes, listening to his steady breathing to calm you down.

It was then that it occured to you. Jake still loves you. There was no other explanation. He came by often, trying to talk to you and get a response. You felt happier by his presence, and found it hard to relax when he was gone.

Until your day came.

It had felt pretty normal to you. It was black, the memories had long since faded away, and you were just waiting for Jake to come back after therapy. From what you had heard, today was your third anniversary with Jake. It hurts for you to think about anniversaries, given your experience with them, but you're still happy to be alive during your third.

You hear Jake walking into the room, closing the door behind him. You smile to yourself, already preparing to listen to his voice until you cry again.

And suddenly the world was on fire.

The area in your chest, where you assumed your heart was, suddenly felt as if it were exploding and being lit on fire all at once. You couldn't help it- you fell over in the darkness. You hold both hands over the upper left of your chest, as if that would somehow stop the pain. You hear a shrill beeping noise ring through you, and that just makes the situation worse. There's stumbling, and suddenly Jake is speaking to you with rushed words.

"Dirk, please, answer me. You're going to be ok, right? I know you'll be ok, Jane and Roxy will be here soon and we can celebrate our anniversary. Please? Dirk, stay with me. I never forgot our anniversary, you know? I want you to know that. I wanted to make the night special. I wanted to make you happy and surprise you when we got back. Please don't let this be another terrible anniversary." There is more beeping, followed by the crashing of doors rapidly opening and closing. "Dirk, I love you." Jake's voice is the last thing you hear, before the darkness of the world starts to seep towards you. The pain in your heart stops, and all you can do is smile as you die, knowing the man you love still loves you back.

Author's Note: Hope you guys enjoyed the epilogue! Sorry it took so long to write, I was super busy this summer and barely had enough time to write anything. Also, apologies if this seems rushed, I put it together kinda quickly and wanted to get it out to you guys since I didn't want to wait any longer to publish it. Thanks again for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed!